Things I Think About #21

I was thinking about how I said Johnny Storm would have no chance with Carol Danvers, and I asked myself who would, because I have too much free time. The answer came swiftly: Hawkeye. Is there a woman he's been on the Avengers with he hasn't slept with, or at least made a pass at? Black Widow, Wasp, Mockingbird, She-Hulk, I'm sure Tigra at some point, that's just off the top of my head. The man likes to date in the workplace, no doubt. Except the Scarlet Witch.

And that's when I realized that all that was needed to stop House of M was for Hawkeye to have hit on the Scarlet Witch. Given his remarkable skill with the ladies, he would surely have scored, and Wanda would have real, actual children, as opposed to the fake ones she conjured while she was with the Vision. And guess what? Crisis averted, insanity forestalled by loving real, not conjured up children.

See, I've realized Wanda remembered her "children that weren't", long before Disassembled. She missed them (understandable), and since making fake kids is a dangerous path to tread, she wanted to have real children. And who better to help than the Avengers resident stud pony, Clint Barton? Except he wouldn't. Whether it was because he refused to get between her and the Vision, because he was afraid of the damage Quicksilver would do to him when he found out, or because he had a headache (admit, you knew that joke was coming), he turned her down flat.

Desperate, she asked other teammates. Jack-of-Hearts was too radioactive. Scott Lang already has a daughter he barely gets to see, he declines. The Vision, well she'd tried that before. That sent her into a realm of pissed-off hurt like you've never seen. And look what happened. Jack-of-Hearts, already blowed up, comes back and blows up Scott Lang. Vision gets ripped in half by Wanda's friend, the She-Hulk. Shulkie proceeds to knock Kelsey Leigh (a woman who has two real children, even if she can't be with them) for a loop, and then Hawkeye blows himself up real good.

It all connects. And honestly, is this ludicrous idea any worse than what Bendis handed us?

Seriously, is it? I mean besides the obvious fact that it falls apart if Hawkeye did proposition her at some point.

Reflections #4 - The Punisher #31

Quick one today. At the start of the issue, Frank Castle asks "What's the only thing more dangerous than a barracuda?" The page shows a shark, so I suppose we could assume that's the answer. But this is The Punisher, so it may be Frank Castle. But honestly it's a silly question, there are plenty of things more dangerous than barracudas.

Orcas
Penguins (they will steal your soul! Just like Earth-2 Lois Lane)
Jehovah's Witnesses (Again with the soul stealing)
Tom Cruise

Sorry that last one is from my "What's more annoying than a crying baby?" list.

What else is more dangerous than a barracuda?

Image blatantly stolen from Chris' Invincible Super Blog.

Reflections #3 - New Excalibur #5

There's really just one thing I want to discuss, and it's Lionheart throwing a car-sized propane tank at Courtney Ross, who was fleeing in her car at that point. Captain Britain saved Courtney, and Kelsey was clearly stunned by what she'd done when she thought she'd killed them, but I really just didn't buy it. It's not that I don't think she would throw a propane tank at someone; it's that I don't think she would throw it at an innocent bystander, even when she's really angry.

Kelsey is angry with Captain Britain because he's the one who put her in the position of choosing between the sword and the amulet, leading to her choosing the sword, meaning she can't be with her kids again, or even tell them she's alive, since that would somehow lead to their 'horrible deaths'. So he's the one she's after, and just prior to that moment she kicked him through a car and a wall. He's vulnerable, and if she had chucked that propane tank at him I would have been rooting her on. But why chuck it at Courtney Ross? Yes, she's an old girlfriend of the good Captain's, but she had nothing to do with it.

When Kelsey first appeared in The Avengers, she got beaten to death protecting Captain America from a Black Knight pretending to be Thunderball. When she gets these powers and returns to the land of the living, the first thing she does is stab that guy right in the chest. The Scarlet Witch was there too, but Kelsey didn't turn around and try to decapitate Wanda just because the Avengers had been fighting the Wrecking Crew when Kelsey died. Sure, it would have been better for the Marvel Universe if Kelsey had killed Wanda, but that's not the point. I won't deny Kelsey Leigh is capable of great anger and violence, and she's quick to both, probably rather defensive from years of taking abuse from people because of her scar. But she directs that anger at the ones who wronged her, not people who had nothing to do with it.

All this being said, it's done. I'm disappointed because I was actually hoping that Captain Britain would be too bothered by the loss of his wife to lead Excalibur, and Kelsey would join in his place. I'm sure Pete Wisdom could have come up with a situation concerning her children that would have been acceptable (where are her kids? She doesn't have them, and the Avengers were taking care of them prior to "Disassembled"). That would have left Wisdom or Sage running the team, and I'd be comfortable with that. I don't think it would have bothered Claremont too much; he used Sage as a sort of leader in X-treme X-Men. Anyway, now it seems like Kelsey's going to be working with this Albion guy, who is more than likely a bad guy, which she is not. She had another chance to kill Ms. Ross after the adrenaline wore off, and she didn't. She knew Courtney wasn't her enemy. Mostly, I think she's hurt, confused, angry at Brian Braddock for doing this to her, all of which makes her easy prey to be manipulated by Albion, and whoever he's working with. Hopefully, when the big fight goes down, she'll turn on him and get in the finishing shot. *fingers crossed*

One final comment. In the previous issue, Captain Britain told her a person's soul is defined by the choice they make between the sword and the amulet. How the amulet (which he chose) represents the "quest for knowledge. For truth. Violence as a last resort." Hmm. The first time I saw Captain Britain, he came to America as an exchange student, and wound up rooming with Peter Parker, because Peter needed the money, naturally. Brian hears something in Peter's room, rushes in, and sees Spider-Man going out the window. He changes to Captain Britain, chases Spider-Man and. . . starts trying to beat him up. "Violence as a last resort", my ass.

Reflections #2 - Ms. Marvel #1

First off, I never knew Jessica Drew smoked, but apparently she does. Obvious proof she's still evil. Second, I may have been wrong about Jessica and Carol working together in S.H.I.E.L.D. Which leads me to wonder how they became friends. Clearly they've known each other for years, their conversation demonstrated that. Could we get Bendis to write one issue covering this question? Just one, after a couple issues of impressive battles. Moving on to a some quotes.

"It's a long story and it involves me, Johnny Storm and a weekend in Las Vegas that - " This is a pretty funny line. Now, if they're suggesting a supervillain battle with some revealing "costume malfunction", that's one thing. If it's suggesting freaky-freaky, please. Carol Danvers is a woman, Johnny Storm dates girls. And green aliens impersonating his best friend's girlfriend. In other words, people who are easily impressed by flame powers, a smile, and an empty head. He and Hal Jordan should swap little black books. Irregardless, Johnny would be way out of his league with Carol, it wouldn't matter how drunk he tried to get her. A human Ben Grimm? He might have a chance.

"The other day Captain America offered me my old job on the Avengers. You know why? Because I'm me. Not because I've earned it. Not because I'm good enough for it." OK, that is a load of bull. True, Captain America didn't go so far as to call her up and ask her to join, he just asked if she'd like to join when she visited, but so what? Maybe Cap realized that a team with a double (triple?) agent, an absent ninja, a nutcase, and Wolverine, could use someone you can count on. And hey, Carol Danvers just showed up! She's been an Avenger, she's shown that she can follow orders and give them. She could really be a help to the team!

I guess I just don't get this whole idea of "I haven't earned it". When it comes to Avengers stuff, the big cosmic-level threats, only Captain America and Iron Man have more experience than her. Wolverine doesn't count because all that Phoenix stuff was really just dealing with Jean (or a cosmic entity pretending to be Jean) being batshit crazy. She's Avengers material, so put her on the team already! After Bendis leaves. Which should be soon.

I have to say a few things about her talking to the publicist. It seems like she's trying to become better known, to get name recognition so she's up in that Pantheon of the top Marvel heroes. But the great ones don't promote themselves. Their actions speak for them. Spider-Man is regarded as one of the best, at least by his peers, if not the unappreciative bastards of New York City (Marvel Universe New York! I'm not dissing the unappreciative bastards who live in this world's New York). It's not because he has a book deal, or appears on television shows. OK, he gets his picture in the paper a lot, but it's usually with a headline like "Spider-Man: Killer Bug-Person!" Still, the heroes know how good he is, and it's because of what he's done. Promoting yourself is such a, a, a Speedball move.

The publicist told her that to get on a Lettermen-type show, she has to have something to promote, like Reed Richards comes on with some device to help underpriveliged children. But that isn't Reed Richards, leader of the Fantastic Four, that's Reed Richards, brilliant scientist. Yeah, his name recognition comes from what he did as a hero, saving the world from Skrulls and stuff, but he's not on the show to talk about that. He's talking about what he does as a person to help the world. It would be like Peter Parker coming on Conan O'Brian to talk about some after-school program he started. If Carol has other career aspirations, then the talkshow circuit might not be a bad thing. But if she's trying to become the "World's Greatest Hero", it's going to matter a lot more that she's doing those patrols (which is a good idea), and saving cities from the attack of the Brood. Yeah, saving the citizens from the aliens that want to lay eggs inside them would be a good way to build some public recognition.

For the record, I'm not disappointed with the book, or annoyed, or anything like that. I gave it a good score because I legitimately enjoyed it, and I'll buy it again next month. It just prompted several different reactions in me. Which is a good sign.

Reflections on March 1st Buys #1

Starting it off with Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #5, my first question is, when a person with red hair reaches senescence (old age), what color does their hair typically turn?

I'm looking at the ending scenes of the issue, the confrontation between "Spider-Man is stalking me" Woman and Spidey's Widow. Most of the time, the widow's hair is just gray, but there are a couple of panels where it's blondish, just a little darker than the hair Vanna had at the start of the issue. Which of course, set off my panic button. "Holy crap, that's not Mary Jane! They're going to have them break up! Please tell me he didn't wind up with Gwen Stacy's daughter, who happens to look just like Gwen!" OK, so I'm overreacting to what was probably a colorist error, what of it? I've heard things about Quesada. That he doesn't think Peter should be married. And after House of M, I'm a little concerned.

Between Peter realizing his "perfect" life is with Gwen Stacy and not Mary Jane, his "death" and what happened in the hospital just prior to it, and this blood oath with Stark (which I think MJ has more misgivings about than Peter. She doesn't seem to trust Stark as much as Peter does, which I figure could be traced back to the problems with her father. Peter may gravitate towards father figures, I think MJ tends to distrust them. Which is the right instinct here), there seems like there's going to be more stress than normal in the Parker family. Even with Aunt May's influence, this could get rocky. I can even see Peter and MJ getting into it over whether to stay at Stark Tower (Peter) or get their own place (Mary Jane and Aunt May).

Granted, they've tried to get rid of Mary Jane before, with a airplane disaster, and before JMS came to Amazing Spider-Man they sent her to Los Angeles. Ultimately, I'd say fan response overrode both, and she was back. But Joey Q strikes me as a stubborn man. If he wants Mary Jane gone, I doubt he'll stop trying.

Or maybe I'm nuts.

What I Bought 3/1/06, Part 2

In case you haven't seen it yet, the first three reviews are the post just below this one. Two other things quickly. Marvel, please stop putting posters for Neopets:The Darkest Faerie in my comics. Advertisements I can handle, the posters are annoying. Second, all I'll say on Infinite Crisis #5 is that my lone prediction for it was off by 10 pages. Spoiler warnings folks, as we move into the next three books, that for whatever reason didin't grab me as strongly as the first three.

The Punisher #31 - So we start a new arc. Let me say first, I'm glad they at least mentioned the Anti-Punisher Task Force set up in the last arc. Even if it was a sham, made by a guy under the control of Romanian slave traders, the police wouldn't have dropped it, even with the sudden death of that cop. So to see it mentioned, nice. Not so nice is Goran Parlov's art. It's not bad, but after Fernandez' work in the last two arcs, it doesn't quite match up. It has a slightly more cartoon feel, or at least less gritty, which worked very well for Frank Castle.

The plot? Frank Castle kills some coke dealers. Big surprise, except he saved someone's life while doing so. This doesn't seem like much of a surprise either. Frank often seems to get mixed up in these larger incidents because he saved someone while doing his killing. Well, he saves the guy from more rape, and the guy seems to take it rather well. By which I mean, he's not hysterical, or really in tears or anything. He seems much more concerned about Frank leaving him there to let the cops help him. Frank, while enjoying a burger (could I eat meat if I frequently turned people's faces into something resembling hamburger?), sees a news report about the incident, recognizes someone in the background, and decides he better help that guy out after all. Which means Mr. Castle is going to the police station. Remember kids, cops don't like it when you toss grenades around in their precinct. All this was mixed in with an apparently very rich man, talking to a subordinate who was apparently responsible for Stephens being in the position to be saved by the Punisher. Clearly this rich man will be dead by the end of this arc, which I'm sure will cause problems for Frank Castle. 3 out of 5, because it didn't really grab me.

Spider-Girl #96 - So, like I said last month, Kaine's attempt to protect Spider-Girl from the Brotherhood of Scriers, has ended up putting a target on her back. Way to go there big fella, the Parker luck is strong in this clone. May is also trying to deal with school at the same time. She runs into the guy she used to have a crush on, until she found out he was a mutant-hating bigot. Apparently, that's a turnoff (am I using apparently too much?). Coach Flash Thompson wants May to rejoin the basketball team, but May still thinks it's wrong to use her powers against normal people, so she can't. That gets Felicity Hardy, daughter of Flash and Felicia Hardy and the current Scarlet Spider, on her case, because her dad's jobs in trouble. Oh yeah, Normie Osborn is now flaunting the fact he has the Venom symbiote in front of federal agents. Brilliant. Normie is worrying me more all the time.

On her way to the hospital* (*her friend Moose's dad got injured in the fight last issue - CoolMint Calvin) she get jumped by a Scrier. He's supposedly just testing her, but when she whups his butt, he immolates himself. Sore loser Buddhist wannabe. This book marches towards the end, and though there were some nice moments, it still feels like set-up for next month. Which is what I said last month. Bad DeFalco! 2 out of 5.

X-Factor #4 - This wraps up the initial case the crew was working on. The answer to the case of "the dead girl in the movie star's bed" is solved, thanks to Monet's. . . telepathy. *Sigh* Have I mentioned in the last week that I hate how many telepaths there are at Marvel? Monet can fly, has superstrength, and invulnerability, does she need telepathy? She's like Power Girl, minus the heat vision, plus an aggravating attitude. I get that it's an act, or at least that's the feeling I get later on, but damn. She could tone it down a bit. She seems to have a pretty biting wit, but she's needlessly cruel at times. Maybe she needs a lesson in boundaries?

Admist this, I get the impression Jamie Madrox is a severe danger to everyone, as it appears that one of Jamie's duplicates has been reading Jake's posts because he makes a rather bold proclamation at one point. Meanwhile, Siryn helps Guido and Rahne get the point across to the cops. What was the point? We're the force here, back the fuck off. The cops, to their credit, get the message, though they'd have to be deaf to have missed it. Of course, they probably are deaf now. . .

Oh yeah, and Layla Miller's creativity and dark sense of humor continue to amuse me. I know some people don't like her, because she was a plot device for House of M, but seeing as I mostly ignored that, I'm perfectly OK with her, especially as Peter David is doing some interesting things with her. The really funny thing to me is that she and these Singularity people seem to be working towards a similar goal, though they may not realize it. Layla has to keep X-Factor from figuring out why mutants got depowered, Singularity wants to stop Madrox from undoing the depowering. yet their guy was ready to kill her. Funny stuff. So between the resolution of a case, and a nice set-up for next month, I'll give this a 4 out of 5.

What I Bought 3/1/06, Part 1

Well, getting 76% on my American Urban History quiz only partially dampened my spirits. A week of six comics that came off feeling average, that didn't help. Anyway, I've noticed I have a tendency to ramble in these things, and that leads to really long posts, so I'm going to post three reviews now, the rest later tonight. So here we go spoiler warnings as always.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #5 - I had this feeling that Peter David was the person writing the Spider-Man books that I could count on for something lighthearted. I don't know why that would be, especially when the Peter David Spider-Man story I know best is "The Death of Jean DeWolf", which is about as unlighthearted as you can get. Suffice to say, this issue was not all that lighthearted, at least not to me.

On a certain level, a story about a person so full of themselves that they believe four encounters with Spider-Man spread out over almost 4.5 years (based on the assumption of one blog post per day, and yes, I took the time to figure that on a calculator) would mean Spidey was stalking them, could be amusing. But with the way David writes it, she's a person who's home life clearly damaged them, to the point she wants no actual human contact (note she won't shake people's hands, keeps them across her chest to ward people off), just admiration and desire from afar, is just depressing. I get that it's a comparison, that this person let some early trauma do this to them, while Peter took his trauma, and used it to make himself a better person, though you could make pretty good case a guy who dresses like a spider and fights people dressed as rhinos is clearly more messed up.

There's one other thing I want to talk about, from the event at the end of the book, but I'll leave that for tomorrow. Ultimately, it's a pretty good story, and now that we're past the stories where someone ate Peter's eyeball, I like the fit of Wieringo's art more. In fact that's probably why I figured the book would be upbeat, his bright, somewhat cartoony style. Well, that and the word "friendly" in the title. 3.5 out of 5.

Ms. Marvel #1 - I like this cover much more than the one I actually have. It's more dynamic than just "Check out how pretty Frank Cho draws her posing!" Well yes, it is pretty, but I knew that already from those two issues of New Avengers. There's some flair to this. Wait, she's going back to "Ms. Marvel"? I've said this before: Between Marvel and DC, there are too damn many people with "marvel" in their codename. Still, I guess "Ms. Marvel" is more friendly sounding to the public than "Warbird". Hmm, I haven't really discussed the book yet.

So, we get a day in the life of Carol Danvers. She saves some kids, and a dude in a truck. That's all good, though that guy was a little too quick to hug her, know what I mean? She pummels lame-ass villain, including some serious payback for a bit of a diss, then goes to meet a publicist. We hear all this as a conversation between Carol and Jessica Drew, who I guess are old friends from S.H.I.E.L.D. I like the interaction here, the sense that Jessica and Carol are old friends, by the fact that Jessica knows when Carol is b.s.ing, and asks if the "be the World's Greatest Hero" thing is a "Carol-thing". I've asked that question of some of my friends from time to time. I have no idea if this friendship is something real, or if Reed and De La Torre just created it for the purpose of this story.

Anyway, I was pretty happy with this, though there are some things I'm going to be discussing later this week about this issue. Stuff happened, and it looks like more stuff is going to happen in the next issue. Good. I will say Palmiotti needs some work on faces that aren't masked. Jessica and Carol's faces looked kind of odd at times, but this might be because Palmiotti was giving some signs of these being "mature" women, who would have experienced aging, and thus might not have the flawless faces I'm used to seeing in comics. So maybe it's me.

One last thing: Jessica points out Carol at one point stopped the sun from exploding, as proof that Carol is big-time (How many Avengers can say that? Not the Sentry, for damn sure). Carol's rebuttal is she spent the next six months sitting on the couch, eating ice cream and watching movies. You know what? If I ever save the Sun from exploding, you better believe that I would spend the next several months sitting on a couch watching TV (or else I'd be trying to use the "You know, I saved the Earth" line on the ladies). In fact I might spend the rest of my life on the couch. Screw it. I did my bit for the world. I guess that's why I don't get super-powers, or a comic book. 4 out of 5.

New Excalibur #5 - Wow, even with only three reviews, this is gonna be long. Hmm, so the team, which still isn't a team, is scattered throughout London. Sage and Pete Wisdom fend off Warwolves. Did they get interrupted in the middle of some freaky-freaky, or does Wisdom always look that rumpled? Dazzler, Juggernaut and Nocturne do the same elsewhere, and Brian Braddock is trying to deal with a very pissed off Lionheart. It appears the team finally forms at the end, and much to my despair, Lionheart isn't on the roster. I didn't really expect it, but I was hopeful. Worse, she seems to be an adversary (more on her role, again later in the week). Bugger Claremont, what are you doing to me here?

I do like the fact that Claremont seems to be building plots for the future, while remembering that people would like to see something happen in the "now". What a concept! Are you taking notes Mr. Bendis? On the whole, I like Steven Cummings art. However, I'm not feeling his physical confrontations. When it comes to depicting someone taking a severe hit, he just doesn't depict it consistently well. I'm still trying to figure out what Lionheart did that sent Captain Britain flying through a vehicle and a wall. I recognize she dodged his lunge, and put a knee in his gut, then I think she kicked him, it's just a bit unclear to me. Like I said, I mostly like his work, there are just a few quibbles. 3.5 out of 5.

I'll put up the other three tonight. The Punisher, Spider-Girl, X-Factor.