Don't bet against the bailiff

I'm not sure if I've written about my externship before, since I generally shy away from anything that has to do with court proceedings in the interest of judicial secrecy. That being said, I work several hours per week with hilariously awesome people in this particular court setting. As is typical with awesome people, craziness ensues a large majority of the time. 

Like today, when I lost a bet. 

We had a hearing regarding parents that don't get along and refuse to get along for the interest of their two children. They have allowed these kids to have Facebook accounts. The parents also have Facebook accounts, and apparently Momsy spends a good majority of the time making sexual innuendos and bashing Dadsy on her wall. My Judge, hereby named "Her Awesomeness," has been dealing with this couple for a while now. Today they were in court to squabble about the young girl having a Facebook (and I mean this girl is well below the age required by Facebook policy to even qualify for an account). 

While duking it out, it became blatantly obvious that both of these parents were off their rockers. And that Her Awesomeness was getting pretty damn pissed. 

Imagine how much more pissed she became when she realized Momsy took her barely teenaged son to a place I'll call Knockers to celebrate his birthday...in clear violation of a court order regarding the consumption of alcohol around the children (hand to God, Her Awesomeness was actually quoted in the previous transcripts as saying the parents should view alcohol as seriously as cocaine if it was around the children, as the kids had been so over-exposed to alcohol in the past). 

Which brings me to my bet. As Bailiff Larry and I were waiting for Her Awesomeness's ruling, he figured out loud that Judge would probably hold Momsy in contempt (Knockers was just the beginning). Her Awesomeness is a really kickass and (extremely) sweet lady, so I naturally assumed it would take more to rile Judge up.

And of course, I was wrong. 

Which is why I'm now making brownies for the entire court tomorrow. 

But hey, I got to see someone arrested! TOTALLY WORTH IT. 

Lucy in the Sky with Cubic Zirconium

This week was pretty much the week from Hell. I had a shitton of stuff I had to make happen, including a few interviews for externships next semester, a presentation for one of my classes, and a gazillion client interviews that somehow had to take place. But somehow I got through it and it's now Friday and I'm sitting in my house clutching two bags of Goodwill purchases and rocking myself like a baby preparing to make dinner like a big kid. (Okay, I did go to Goodwill.)

The most interesting thing to take place this week was probably one of the interviews for a judicial externship. I went in and introduced myself and the judge (who I have NEVER EVER MET BEFORE) said it was nice to see me again, effectively shaming me into a pool of self-doubt about whether we had, in fact, ever actually been introduced before. I maintain we hadn't. But I digress. After our standard repartee regarding why I want the externship and my studies (which I kinda like, because I always seem to have a new answer), we started to meander into other topics.

Like how she once represented a woman in a divorce proceeding who always smelled kinda funny and she never knew what the scent was. Until the lady was arrested for meth. (Oops for requesting child custody.)

Or how I had done an internship this summer and was scared shitless about the job and how much I anticipated hating it (I may have substituted in crap instead) and how I actually ended up loving it. (Maybe that's kinda relevant.)

Or how it's impossible for someone to overdose on LSD, and how the judge had always kinda wanted to try it, but figured she would have a flashback twenty years down the road in court and so she never did.

And how LSD is now being advocated for people suffering severe depression and it supposedly actually works.

And how anytime I smell pot, I want to barf all over the place and how I hate getting on the bus because I never know if the bus will smell like Reefer Joe over in the corner who just got done toking it up right before he boarded.

Oh, and how I saw pot the first time when I was in college and how I had a minor freakout.

And how she knew kids that smoked pot all the time in law school and once they pulled it out in front of her and she also had a minor freakout.

We then agreed that legalizing drugs wasn't necessarily a problem, since the people who are going to try heroin are going to do it regardless of whether it's legal or not, and we just don't want to have to deal with people doing it in public.

Yes, people, I spent approximately 25.3465 minutes of a 30 minute interview discussing drugs...with a circuit judge.

She offered me the externship the next morning. And naturally I accepted.

Shoes may just make the lawyer

Today I learned about the wonders of drunk driving representation. And by learned, I mean obsessed over the speaker's killer leopard print strappy heels while questioning how well they would go over in court (this lady obviously runs six miles every day and has never worn sunscreen in her life). I'll leave it to your imagination....

A few things she said, I got. YES, the state DOES have to prove the case. YES, sometimes scummy people will walk when they were obviously loaded and driving around. And YES, the youtube videos can be quite amusing at times. (Her favorite is attached at the bottom of this post.)

Others, I am not so clear about, either ethically or from a legal standpoint, including: 1) Why the state would use cameras in vehicles if it makes it that much easier to get a drunk person relieved of their charges; 2) Why the state finds it necessary to keep both DUI and DWI on the books (I vaguely remember her saying something about how the offenses play out but again.....shoes); 3) How refusing to blow gets your license suspended for six months, but if you go into court and are found not guilty of the charges, it most likely gets dismissed, and MOST IMPORTANTLY:

4) Why the fuck I can't manage to get out of a damn speeding ticket.

Bacon v. BO

I am no goody-two-shoes by any means. I enjoy a cold frosty (as my Con Law teacher likes to call it) as much as the next girl, and I have a couple of speeding tickets to my name (one of which is unpaid at this moment in time--EEK). I even think marijuana should be legalized!

That being said, let me emphasize something....MARIJUANA IS NOT LEGALIZED AT THIS TIME. This means that it is ILLEGAL. And especially because of this fact, I do not approve of its use. I do not want to see evidence of your illegal activities. I do not want to see you commit said illegal activity in front of me. And I will not stifle my reaction to something that is illegal if it is performed in my presence.

I'm a firm believer in the phrase "to each his own." Even with my support of marijuana's future use, I still don't want to have to smell it, be subjected to the negative impact it may have on your driving, or have to listen to your ridiculous rantings or food cravings while you are as high as a kite--and this goes whether it is legal or not. Personally, the smell of pot makes me want to hurl. I literally dread the first few moments on the bus because I'm unsure whether I will be swamped with the hideously disgusting aroma of "eau de MJ." I realize this is a personal reaction--I'm not sure why it's such a repulsive smell to me, but I'm not lying when I tell you it literally makes me throw up in the back of my mouth.

You are entirely entitled to your own beliefs regarding marijuana. But please don't kid yourself when you're saying you're doing it because you shouldn't be punished for it and that the government is being unreasonable...this makes it no less illegal and no less punishable under color of the law.

And even though you're convinced marijuana smells just like bacon does not mean it does not smell like overwhelming BO to me.