A Return to Normalacy

Do you remember that episode of M*A*S*H where Hawkeye and B.J. pretend to hate each other as a birthday gift for Major Burns? Then at the end, they tell him it's finished and everything goes back to normal?

As DC moves into One Year Later, I've seen discussion of the tone DC is going to take with its stories. A number of people expect a return to more lighthearted stories, given all the talking in Infinite Crisis about how "dark" the heroes have become. Of course, it's a bit disingenuous to have Old Fart Superman saying "You mindwiped people! What kind of heroes are you?" when the dialogue is written by the same morons who said "Mindwipes? That's a great idea!". But that's neither here nor there. Others have pointed out that there hasn't been any statement to the effect that DC is moving in a lighter direction.

I figure DC (and Marvel for that matter) could use some more fun, where it's appropriate. Batman comics can still be gritty, though Batman needs to not be quite so unpleasant to his fellow do-gooders, but I figure Teen Titans could do with a bit less angst. Less Superboy being mind controlled and breaking Robin's arm, please. But how does one accomplish this task?

By kicking Dr. Light's ass.

What we need is the return of Pathetic Dr. Light, the Baltimore Orioles of DC villains (meaning, lots of power/money, but no results). So here's what I propose: The real reason Dr. Light has been so dangerous the last year is because the heroes are giving him a present. They decided to let him feel good about himself, by letting him beat the crap out of them. All that stuff about him raping Sue Dibny and getting mindwiped is make-believe. Light just made it up and convinced himself it was true, so he wouldn't feel like such a total loser. It's not his fault, the heroes did something to him. Oh, and whatever it was he supposedly did to the female, not-evil, Doctor Light? Didn't happen; he made that up too, and she's letting him get away with it, as part of the whole "Boost Light's Self-Esteem" gift.

But now that we're at One Year Later, the time for gift-giving has passed. It's time for a return to the status quo. To that end, over the next year, Dr. Arthur Light must get beaten up, down, sideways, in every DC title. Action Comics, Detective Comics, Teen Titans, Birds of Prey, The Secret Six, JSA, that new Freedom Fighters book (Time for Ray to get some payback. Take that stupid goatee right off, and maybe his nose while we're at it. No, that's too violent). A special one-shot of the female Dr. Light proceeding to pummel male Dr. Light until he cries. Then beating him for another twenty-three pages.

Even Jonah Hex and Sgt. Rock:The Prophecy should get in on the fun. Don't ask me how, I've started the ball in motion, DC needs to pick up the slack and figure out the rest. Because only when Light is back to being the premier punching bag for the good guys, will happy days truly be here again.

Things I Think About #20

Back when Straczynski first started on Amazing Spider-Man, I thought I knew how his first story was going to go. Ezekiel had been telling Peter all this stuff about how he was a totem, and Morlun was a predator that hunted totems, and there was no way that Peter could beat him. And I was sure I knew what would happen. Peter would have to team up with another totem. And it'd be the Puma.

Now granted, when Ezekiel was telling Peter all this stuff, he told Pete that all these animal-themed villains were 'wannabe' totems, and he made a mention of "cougars", which I guess meant the Puma. But I figured, how could the guy not be a totem? Thomas Fireheart's the product of a specific breeding line, combined with mystical. . . stuff. That sounded like someone who should be a totem to me. Of course, it's more likely that he's like Ezekiel, and he took the power when he wasn't supposed to have it. I wonder if that means there is a creature made out of hundreds of mountain lions somewhere in the Marvel Universe. On second thought, I don't think I wonder about that at all.

I only bring this up because Puma will be appearing in Sensational Spider-Man in a couple of months (too bad I won't be buying it) and it got me thinking about him.

He seemed like such a weird character. Native American, who doesn't seem all that interested in his heritage, quietly expressed contempt for it a few times, but still accepts his supposed role as protector of his tribe.

He's rich as hell, owns his own company, yet his first introduction in comics was as an assassin for hire. Why would he need to do that? Kicks and giggles?

He was capable of going into berserk rages Wolverine would be proud of, which seem to have increased in strength and occurence over time (which might be a sign that he wasn't supposed to have this power), but he's still deeply concerned with honor. Probably from that time he spent in Japan (I think until New Avengers, Spider-Man may have been the only character in the Marvel U. who hadn't been there. I'm only half-joking.)

Honor meant so much to him that he bought the Daily Bugle and turned it into a completely pro-Spidey paper, even sending Jameson packing, to make amends to Spider-Man for the past hardships he caused. Yet, he wouldn't hesitate to claw Spidey's face up if he believed that Parker had shown that he wasn't worthy of that.

I'd say ultimately he was a victim of overuse in the '90s (which is a pretty common happenstance), and that they kept making him more and more vicious. He became more about just clawing people up, and less about any real reason. At least when he appeared in Wolverine a few years back, he explained that the "puma" was stronger and making him participate in things like the tournament Logan was in. I'm not sure how great of an explanation that is, but at least it was something, besides just "I can't stand being in your debt anymore Parker! I must KILL YOU!!" They did they same thing with the Lizard. He stopped trying to kill all the mammals so reptiles could rule the world, and just turned into a mindless killing machine. I guess you gotta try new stuff, but I think they went to that particular well a few too many times. I mean that takes a lot of the personality out of the character, you know?

Things I Think About #19

You know what I would have liked to have seen in House of M? Instead of just widespread loss of mutants, a widespread loss of telepaths, primarily the more powerful ones.

But, how would that work with the Scarlet Witch, you say? I say, why does it have to be her behind it at all? How about Jamie Braddock, Junior, the brother of Psylocke and Captain Britain? He can warp reality, and the X-books have been hinting at something big coming up with him anyway, so why not move it up a bit? He could be trying to make a perfect world by, I don't know, altering the reality within people's minds, altering their perceptions, and thus that alters reality (mind over matter I suppose). Telepaths could either be extraordinarily sensitive to it causing their minds to collapse from seeing all these different minds perceiving a "perfect" reality, or they could be a threat to the plan, by using their abilities to reassert the "true" reality in people's minds. Though I would have to demand that he wear some freaking pants, please! Sorry ladies.

For that matter, what about The Sentry? It's already been established that he has psychic abilities powerful enough to make the entire world forget about him, and to a certain extent seems to be able to alter the way things are to suit what he believes them to be. Hell, use him for that, it'd make him a lot more interesting than he is currently. Oh, I'm sorry, I guess that would be The Void, that would do something like that. Whatever, six of one, half-dozen of the other.

I know that they did this in Earth X, where the Skull's telepathic abilities manifested, and at that moment, every telepath died. I'm not suggesting that, but I think on a lesser scale it would work in a situation where there was a reason for it (namely, telepaths interfering with some crazy/evil person's plan to make the world the way they want it, as opposed to Wanda just concluding mutants are the problem with everything, so she wipes them out, except for the ones Dr. Strange protected, and oh yeah, a few others for some reason or the other), that many of the more powerful telepaths would be removed from the board, so to speak.

The way I figure it, the top-level ones probably have their minds in other peoples' minds pretty much constantly. Just a little bit, and they probably aren't even aware of it. The more powerful the mind, the more minds they're in. It just a unconscious relaxation, letting their minds flow a bit. So if the reality altering occurred quickly, which would be prudent, a telepath could be subjected to multiple realities before they knew what was going on, doing severe damage to their sanity. That leaves them as less of an immediate threat, but a prudent evildoer would still eliminate them, just so they don't pull themselves together and mess things up later. Man, that sounded a lot better when I thought it up. Irregardless. . .

Granted I'm biased, as I'm just really sick of telepaths, and the idea of them bothers me, but I still think that done right (and isn't that always the caveat?), it would be much better than what actually took place. Honestly, the number of telepaths in the Marvel Universe is pretty ridiculous, especially in relation to overall numbers of mutants. It seems like you wouldn't be able to walk down the street there without bumping into one. And there doesn't seem to be any real reason genetically why that's how it is, which could be due to the lack of clarity when it comes to what's behind the X-gene and how powers are transmitted to children (discussed in earlier posts here and here) . And in nature, there are occasional catastrophes, that cause extinctions specific to certain types of organisms, while sparing others. For example, if a meteor hits a planet, and throws lots of dust in the air, competitive advantage goes to beings lower to the ground, where there's less soot, and more clean air. Likewise, if someone is altering the perceptions of every person on the planet, with the alteration perhaps changing from person to person, it's probably better to not have part of your mind in other people's minds.

Of course it would never happen. Too many telepaths are high-profile in Marvel, and like I mentioned a few days ago, Cable is one of Avi Arad's favorite characters, while also being possibly the most powerful telepath actually moving around right now, given Jean Grey seems to be incapacitated - not dead! never dead! - at the moment, and Xavier's nowhere to be seen. For the record, I devised a potential way for Cable to dodge it, one I think could be exclusive to Cable, and would work with the current plot of his book, so I have that base covered.

Oh yeah, and afterwards, there actually would be fewer mutant books like Joey Q said there would be, instead of just fewer mutants.

What can I say? I like to play "What If?".

Things I Think About #13 . . Romance edition

Two ideas. Read on at your own peril.

Picture this, if you will. Benjamin Grimm, the ever-lovin', blue-eyed Thing, and Peter Rasputin, Colossus. A tough on the outside, kind on the inside guy made out of rock, and a sweet, Russian with the ability to turn his entire body into organic steel.

Oh yeah, and Peter is an artist. So now picture them reenacting that scene from "Titanic". You'll have to picture it, I'm stuck on that spoof that Family Guy did of it. Maybe that's as far as my brain will let me go. That's probably a smart move by my brain.

As for the other, does anyone here think that Kyle Rayner and Karen Starr (Power Girl) would work as a couple (hypothetically)? It seems like Kyle appreciates strong (independent? pushy?) women, or at least winds up with them. I don't know anything about any previous relationships she's had, but I figure Karen could do worse than a guy who seems sweet, kinda goofy, as well as someone you could talk to about your problems, having experienced so many of his own. Maybe I'm misreading them both completely.

Of course, it's also contingent on Kyle still having a face after that Rann-Thangar Special. What's the deal with the stars?

Not Quite The Last Thing I'd See Myself Talking About, But. . .

I'm posting about costume changes, and remarkably it's not Spider-Man's. First, the backstory.

I'm cruising Absorbascon. Scipio has provided four new entrees for Galact. . . I mean four new characters for the Marvel Universe. Below that he links to all the previous donations. I admit, I hadn't read them all, so when I see Starfire, I'm a little surprised. I like Starfire. I like the one in the cartoon better, but that's because I've seen her more often. My experience with the comic version is probably less than 20 issues, hasn't really given me enough depth with the character. Anyway, Scip had a lot of reasons for not liking her, most of which are irrelevant to me. Yeah, she has a trail of energy flowing from her hair, and yes, she shoots energy out of her clenched fists, instead of an open hand. So what? I can't figure any reason why Superman has heat vision or x-ray vision. Superpowers often don't make sense. Back to the topic.

Scipio ragged on the costume (uniform? outfit?) she wears, and I have to admit, he's right. it's just absurd, and this is coming from a guy who has played the stupid, drooling fanboy more than once. Prior to his post, I didn't know about her life as a slave girl, so I'd never really understood about the significance of it, or why she'd wear that, other than the creators were guys (which I'd figure is the real reason, but still). So she needs something different.

Now this is where you come in. Because I have very little artistic ability, and less fashion sense, so me designing her a new outfit, is probably not wise. But let's set things up.

1), She needs more clothes. It doesn't have to be be head-to-toe coverage I don't think, but it should probably be near what she has on the cartoon. Personally, I kind of like that outfit, but it feels too young for comic book Starfire somehow.

2) She doesn't need armor. She's not invulnerable, but she's resilient enough that armor is kind of redundant. Plus, would armor interfere with her ability to absorb energy?

3) No capes! With that hair, she doesn't really need a cape, unless you're going to cut the hair, and even then, as a warrior, you think she would understand the danger of wearing something that can be grabbed and used to spin you around and fling you into buildings. Look at Wonder Woman. Top notch warrior, no cape (usually).

4) I like the color, what is that, lavender? Like Aquaman and orange, not many people can make that work, and I think she's one of them.

5) I think the boots and the arm gauntlets (yeah, they're probably just gloves, but 'gauntlets' sounds cooler) are fine.

Anyway, I'm kind of thinking something like the Jim Lee drawn Psylocke only with the different colors, plus maybe some designs that might reflect Tamaranian culture (is there any of that shown in the comics anywhere?) I mean, obviously that's not heavy coverage, but it's an improvement and besides, baby steps people.

But, like I said, I have no clue what I'm talking about when it comes to designs. Help me out. Maybe we get some artwork from people, we can let the people who read this blog decide what looks best. Then we march on DC's offices! How's 10 on Saturday on sound?

Pointless Indulgence

Man, nothing like a season premiere of The Shield to get you in the mood to post.

First off, relating to my earlier post about Robin, I forgot to mention I do like that Willingham has tried to give Robin some enemies of his own. Sure Johnny Warlock, the Rising Sun Archer, and the Dark Rider won't be challenging Flash's Rouges anytime soon (not if they value their health anyway), but as Robin establishes his own identity, he needs a few villains of his own. That being said, the title is 'Pointless Indulgence', so these were just a couple of ideas I'd have like to have seen explored, had the characters involved not, you know, died.

1) Jack Drake does not die in Identity Crisis, and Tim is back being Robin. How do they interact? Does father try to limit Tim's crimefighting (no crimefighting on Sunday night, so he's rested for school?) Does Jack try to spend more time with Tim, either in an attempt to draw him away from Batman's siren song of vigilantism, or because he's figures Tim is on borrowed Tim, so better go to the ballgame with him while he can. What about Tim's stepmom, Dana? Tim clearly has no problem keeping her in the dark, but can Jack do that to the woman he goes to bed with every night, especially when he told her he was sure Tim was involved in something dangerous? If he thinks he is going to tell her, what does Tim (or Batman) do?

2) Stephanie Brown survives 'War Games'. When Batman fired her as Robin, he told her to drop the vigilante stuff entirely. She ignored him then, just like she did the Birds of Prey and her father, the Cluemaster. But in the event the gang war actually occurred, maybe she gets herself and her mother out of Gotham, and follows Tim to Bludhaven. Tim is going to know she's still being Spoiler. If she doesn't outright tell him so, then he'll notice some injury she'll got from being out there one night. Does he tell Batman? Does Batman try to get Tim to make her stop. . . again? If he does, would Tim go along with it, or ignore Batman and just try to work with Stephanie, improving her chances of survival? In fact, why couldn't Tim or Batgirl train Stephanie, assuming Cass would also move to Bludhaven? Tim could teach her (and Cassandra for that matter) some of the more detective-related aspects of the job, while Cassandra works on Steph's fighting technique (Tim could benefit from that teaching as well). I'm not saying Batgirl, Robin, and Spoiler would all being appearing in Robin and Batgirl each month, but training together or comparing information on something large every few months shouldn't be out of the question. This is the first time any of them have tried to handle an entire city without the Bat's guiding presence, so a little teamwork wouldn't be a bad idea.

Steph can also serve as a morale booster for Tim if he gets depressed, like she did when he was out of sorts because he believed he killed Johnny Warlock. With Spoiler, the problem has never been a lack of determination, rather it's been a lack of skill, or a matter of being overeager, too gung-ho to prove herself. With people who regard her as a friend, and not a pupil/novice, that wouldn't be as much of a problem, so she'd be less likely to repeat old mistakes of throwing herself into situations too quickly. And as the girlfriend, Stephanie would get Tim out there on dates, forcing him to get out in public and interact with people as Tim Drake, not just spend all his time as Robin, which I think is a vital part of the character as a whole.

Clearly, I think there's more ground to be covered if Steph were still alive than Jack, but really having either character (or at least giving Tim some new people to interact with) would probably have helped Willingham out, if he had thought along these lines. Oh well, it's all moot now, but I feel better for having put this out there.

Giving the Gift of Life. . . Stuff I think About #3

Quick note, this is probably my last post until Monday, so you'll just have to go without over the weekend. But, I'll be using that time to go through my comics, doing some research for future posts, so take heart. On to the business at hand.

This post stemmed from a conversation I had with myself, over a discussion that broke out in the comments of a thread at Comics Should Be Good. I'll probably post the main part next week, but this was an odd little interlude my brain took, and I thought I'd share.

See, I was thinking about the death of Ben Parker, Peter's uncle. There's been a lot of inconsistency surrounding the circumstances, besides the obvious that he was shot by a burglar. But the way I had it figured, he was in bed and heard a noise. He goes downstairs to investigate and finds the Burglar.

I figure he tries to talk to the guy, explain that he's making a mistake, but that there's no reason to hurt anyone, he can take what he wants and just leave (I think this was how he acted in Ultimate Spider-Man, matter of fact). He's very calm, displaying no fear. This freaks the Burglar out, he shoots Ben, Ben dies, and Peter is on the road to years of guilt.

But this is the weird part. In my head I hear "Ben Parker can overcome great fear", so to better utilize this ability, I'm bringing him back to life. . . in a new universe! Who says only the costumes get a second chance?

So Ben Parker, say hello to the next step in your life. . . as the newest member of the Green Lantern Corps!



















Hal, you shouldn't have! Give it up for Ben Parker, people! Have a nice weekend!

Green is to Yellow as . . . Stuff I think About #2

No, it's not SAT prep. And it's not Conan O'Brien's SAT Analogies. It's more weird crap that ran through my head. OK, so according to Geoff Johns, green and yellow, representing will and fear, respectively, are rivals. It seems a little odd, since willpower is not the opposite of fear, so it doesn't necessarily stand to reason that they would be in opposition. But then I start thinking about colors.

See, part of green is yellow, right? And part of willpower is overcoming fear. Like overcoming a fear of heights so you can clean out the inside of a 20 foot tall boiler. But fear isn't the only thing willpower can overcome. Will can overcome anger, or the desire to laugh at something you think is funny when it would be inappropriate, or just the desire to eat those last few chocolate fudge Pop-Tarts. So gooey . . . focus! And when you look at green it's made up of more than just yellow. Blue is involved in the process, so maybe that's anger. I'm not sure what color would be the "wanting to eat Pop-Tarts", but I'm sure somewhere in the DC Universe a person can get a ring that harnesses that part of the "emotional electromagnetic spectrum" or whatever Johns was calling it. Probably Vril Dox has one, or one of the Brainiacs. The real problem here is that green isn't a complicated enough color. They needed something different, that combines multiple colors . . . like brown! The Brown Lantern! Hmm, maybe not.

Or maybe they'd just be better off assigning those emotions to something outside of visible light. So "Pop-Tart eating" is gamma radiation. My God, that means the Hulk would just be really hungry! The Army just needed to feed him, instead of trying to blow him up. Hey it's less disturbing than the solution for Ultimate Hulk.

Thanks to the Shrew Review for pointing out that fear and willpower aren't really opposites, which is what lead me down this strange, awful path. And no thanks to Charter, which has denied me - and the rest of Missouri, Illinois, and parts of Arkansas and Minnesota - internet access all day.

A Proposal For Chracter Donations

The Last part of my New Avengers post is on delay due to technical difficulties, so if anyone can tell me how you control where in your post the image goes, just put that in the comments section if you please.

To: Scipio at Aborbascon, Devon at Seven Hells

Re: Your character Donations to Marvel

While I appreciate these kind donations and your attempts to enrich the Marvel Universe, I'm afraid I can't accept charity. I would however, like to propose a trade. I will accept all the characters you have donated so far, with out even asking for a complete list if you meet three criteria.

1. I have carte blanche to do with them as I see fit.

2. You agree to make The Ray and Damage full-time members of the Teen Titans, post-Infinite Crisis.

3. You have to take Jean Grey, Cyclops, Hank Pym, and the Scarlet Witch, and you're free to do with them as you wish.

I await your response.

CalvinPitt

Fixing New Avengers, Part 3: Who Will Answer the Call, As Long As It Doesn't Come At Dinner?

Seven candidates to fill the roster gaps. There's only one I really feel needs to be on the team, and I'll list him first. After that, I'll just run through the rest, you can tell me what you think.

Thor - Hopefully, that isn't too surprising. He is one of the true Avengers, and he fits the "powerhouse" requirement quite nicely. The problem is Thor brought about Ragnarok during "Disassembled", wiping out all of Asgard, including himself. Screw That! According to Norse mytholgy, a new world is supposed to arise from the remnants of the old, some gods survive, others are reborn, so I figure two ways this can go {Edit 5/6/06: Turns out Thor broke the cycle of destruction and rebirth, and just destroyed everything. Except his hammer.}:

1 - Thor is the same guy he's always been (no Odin powers, no Don Blake alter ego), though perhaps somewhat hardened from surviving Ragnarok. He comes back to Earth to check on his friends, who he hasn't seen for awhile. But the mansion is destroyed, and Thor's not happy about that. And when Thor isn't happy, people will become aware of it. The Avengers respond to a call about Thor, and Cap and Iron Man explain what happened. Thor's a bit shaken, but agrees to work with his friends, to be an Avenger again.

2 - Thor is one of the gods that gets reborn. He may not look like he did (maybe he's a redhead like Norse mythology says he is), and he doesn't remember the Avengers or his times on Earth. He simply travels there, perhaps on a mission from Odin, or just for kicks. Predictably, he's a bit arrogant, loud, pushy, like Namor, only more of a party guy, eating, drinking and hitting on ladies. Inevitably he causes property damage, the cops show up, Thor gets mad, the Avengers show up, Thor trashes them, but their bravery in the face of his power impresses him, and he decides to spend time with them, meaning he hangs with the team and helps in battle. Sometimes. Other times, he's probably busy fighting with Hercules.

Natasha Romanov, Black Widow - She's got some martial arts skills, she's a spy, so she can do the stealth thing. As a secret agent, she's probably had to kill on more than one occasion. She's had contacts internationally with criminal organizations and crime-fighting organizations, having worked for both. She's been an Avenger, even been chairperson for a time. But she might be preferring her time as a freelancer, rather than working with the "costumes" again.

The Black Panther - Stealthy, an excellent fighter, good enough to beat Captain America (technically his father beat Cap, but T'Challa beat his father, and if B > A, and C > B, then T'Challa can whoop Cap's butt). Has an array of interesting stuff in his uniform. Smart, like Tony Stark-level smart, would give the Avengers another techno-brain to pick when necessary. Oh yeah, he's the king of the most advanced technological civilization on Earth, meaning the Avengers could have some serious tech support if needed. The downside is he's the king of a nation that apparently has enemies, and so he might be needed in Wakanda too much to do the Avenger thing.

Danny Rand, aka Iron Fist - I'm sure some people are saying "Wow Luke Cage and Iron Fist. How original." But given they just found out Jessica Drew has been playing double agent, wouldn't it be good to add an Avenger you know you can trust (Widow's loyalties can be ambiguous, and T'Challa went the Batman route of collecting information on his teammates, just in case)? He's got the requisite martial arts skills, and though I've got no evidence to back it up, I'm betting that 'iron fist' is strong enough to tear through Iron Man's armor, or at least damage it, so he's no prancing lightweight. That's right I said prancing. He might want to work on the outfit though.

Dr. Strange - Now add him and Thor to the team, and you're talking some serious firepower. Stephen Strange is the Master of the Mystic Arts, one of the most powerful beings on Earth. He would give the Avengers someone with mystical knowledge, which they lack, he was a surgeon, so he could probably operate as sort of a field medic as necessary, he's done the team bit before, and this time wouldn't have teammates who can't stand each other (The Defenders), and he has something to prove. See, Strange blames himself for everything that Wanda did during House of M, since it's precisely the sort of thing he's supposed to defend the Earth against. Now he could just mope in his house on Bleeker Street, or he could spend all his time poring over arcane texts, gradually cutting himself off from humanity, or he can do the smart thing: Get out there in the world and defend it. By working with the Avengers, he's travels all over the world, and maybe he picks up on a threat that was too distant or too well hidden for him to sense from New York. And now he has backup. Besides, he looks cool.

Marc Spector, Moon Knight - Has been an Avenger, knows how to fight, would be willing to do the killing thing if necessary. The problem is that based on what Quesada said about the Moon Knight book, Spector might be a little too willing to kill, even when it isn't called for (like say the Puppet Master). Also, having dealt with Hank Pym for years, Cap and Tony just may not want to deal with that level of psychological problems, and Spector would fit that bill.

Carol Danvers, aka Warbird - You know, I think I may be the only person out there that likes "Warbird" more than "Ms. Marvel". between Marvel and DC there are just too damn many people with "marvel" in their name. A "warbird" on the other hand, just sounds cool to me. Anyway, former Avenger, friends with Tony Stark (her A.A. sponsor) and Logan, so she'd have both their support, at least. According to Bendis in House of M, Carol wants to be the greatest hero of all. Well, the Avengers is a good place to pursue that goal, since you'll (in theory) be fighting the worst of the worst. She's highly versatile, with flight, super strength, some invulnerability, and energy absorption/controlling powers. She's got contacts within the military, which could come in handy in jurisdictional disputes, and she showed during that huge war with Kang that she'll kill if necessary (I know I keep harping on that point, but that was why Tony thought they needed Logan, because he can kill, so apparently it's very important to the team dynamic). One problem is that New Thunderbolts has been showing Carol and Hank Pym working with Gyrich and Zemo in ordering the T-Bolts to beat down the Avengers, so I'm not sure what's up with her (must be back on the sauce. Ha! You thought I'd make some joke about her period didn't you? Well, I'm not that juvenile.) Still, it's like Dave Campbell at Dave's Long Box said, there's something about a woman in a sash.

Looking it over, it might be that the last two/three roster spots are rotating between who's available and who works for the mission (in other words, if it's stealth call Natasha and T'Challa, not Thor). That's all I got, so comments, questions?

And a big shoutout to Scipio for helping me figure this out. If anyone put an answer in the last post from yesterday thanks for that. I'm just a little slow you know.

Fixing New Avengers: Those Who Still Serve

Before I submitted my picks for roster replacements, I wanted to try and explain why I kept who I did, because I believe the other five members are solid.

Captain America and Iron Man - It's a point that's been made by many people, bloggers and those working in comics alike: you got to have two out of three of Captain America, Iron Man and Thor, or it's not a true Avengers team. So Cap and Ol' Shellhead ain't going anywhere.

Spider-Man - Permit me a rant first. Getting rid of Bendis helps the book in one other way. See he writes this Spider-Man, you know, the Peter Parker who's married, been doing the superhero thing for a decade by my estimate, has seen, fought, experienced everything a hero can over that time, the same way he writes Ultimate Spider-Man, the teen who's had the powers maybe a year and is still equal parts awed and terrified by the crap he gets mixed up in. Ultimate Peter is amazed he fought a guy in a rhino suit; that's old hat for Marvel Peter, and the man has been on the Avengers before, he shouldn't be making with constant nervous chatter! Rant over.

Here's why Spidey works. He's a great weapon. He's got strength, speed, a spider-sense that warns of enemies or traps. He's smart, and in a different way from Stark, who is an engineering, electronics, physics type, whereas Peter is more biology and chemistry. And it's always good to have brains who can bring different approaches to a problem. He has a weapon - web shooters - that have an array of uses (and would have even more if he adopted Ben Reilly's design). He would be perfect for infiltration, in costume or not. He's an average guy so send him in to a situation clothed normally, nobody gives him a second glance. Need him to break into a place? He'll dodge all the security without breaking a sweat. And he can mix it up in a fight. Just ask any of the 500 guys he's beaten over the years.

Spider-Woman and Luke Cage - This ties in to what I feel is a difference between the JLA and the Avengers. The JLA, historically, seems to be the big guns, the truly iconic names getting together for the really huge stuff, and that's it. The Avengers is more of a team for one (they had a mansion, with bedrooms and kitchens, living space. The JLA has a watchtower, sounds like a place you work, period.), but they're also where lesser-known heroes shine. The Ant-Mans (Scott Lang), Jack-of-Hearts, Falcon, Firestar. Those aren't A-listers, but they've all had moments for the Earth's Mightiest. I think it's Luke and Jessica's turns, and they'll step up.

Ok, next post, who I'm adding. I'm sure you can't wait. There will be pictures though. So it'll be prettier.

Fixing New Avengers, Part 2: Pointless Indulgence

Honestly, the main thing New Avengers needs is a better writer. And based on certain factors, for the sake of argument, we're going with Tony Bedard. He writes for Marvel, so clearly no 'exclusive contract with DC' problem occurs. Now we get to a part that's probably less about fixing the book, and more about me having fun, altering the roster. Supposedly this is actually going to happen at issue 15, with most people figuring Spidey and Wolverine are out, having served their purpose in boosting sales. That may be, as long as they don't get replaced by Hank Pym and the Wasp. I can't handle anymore "Hank beats Jan, why is she still with him, what identity will Hank use this week, just how bipolar is he?" I've reached my saturation point with that.

So what, you ask, would I do? Well, I'm dropping three members of the team, and probably pissing off the fans because it's the three characters Bendis has wasted the whole book getting on the team. But here's why I'm dumping each one:

Ronin - To be fair, this isn't my call. Ronin said in issue 13 that she was going back to Japan to keep an eye on the Silver Samurai, so obviously she won't be available the next time Absorbing Man starts tearing up Times Square. So, consider her a reservist, or inactive, or something.

Sentry - Confession time. Silver Age Superman is a major reason why I've hated DC for most of my comic reading life. He was TOO powerful, it was just silly. And as Eric has pointed out, that's really all The Sentry is, he's Silver Age Superman. So if I didn't like the guy in DC, you can imagine how happy I am he's running around in the Marvel Universe. Send him into space, let him fight Celestials or his inner demons. Whatever.

Wolverine - I like Logan, I do. But I think he really works better as a solo character, like he was in his title, wandering around, getting involved in random stuff, occasionally teaming up with a friend like Nightcrawler (or Shadowcat, or Jubilee even). As it is, with the current state of mutants in Marvel, I think Wolvie's going to be too busy on the "X-reservation" to have time for the Avengers. Vaya con dios, Logan.

So, who takes their spots? Well, I have this belief carried over from the sports world, that you have to replace what you've lost when you make a roster change, whether by directly replacing (like replacing a good pass-rushing linebacker with another good pass-rushing linebacker), or some sort of mix and match (replacing that linebacker with an average defensive end and a strong safety you can blitz with. Combined they equal what you lost). So looking at the roster, the Avengers lost a powerhouse, a martial arts/stealth expert, and someone "who was willing to kill if the situation called for it".

Later today, I've six (that's right six!) potential replacements. Be here, or be Avenged! Right now, I got to go Christmas shopping.

Fix New Avengers, Part 1

Ok, as you probably know, there is a very good blog out there called "Comics Should be Good". And they're right, comics should be good. Unfortunately, New Avengers isn't good. And that's a problem because I believe the Avengers are supposed to be the premiere team of the Marvel Universe. They're supposed to be who you call when the big stuff comes down. And Bendis started off well enough, Electro is hired by someone to help a criminal escape from the Raft, a supervillain prison. Wisely he busts everyone out, since that makes it harder to track the true purpose. A bunch of heroes arrive and try to stop the escape, but 45 succeed in breaking out. Captain America realizes they need the Avengers to track them down. And away we go. Unfortunately, Bendis has killed it with his typical slow style, which feels worse in a team book than a solo book, where you could believe one hero might be having a slow day, so let's see their everyday life. The point of a team is they're working together to deal with thtreats, but so far the focus of the book has seemed to be gathering members. The book has had its moments, but it's not as good as it needs to be. What it needs, first and foremost, is someone who can write a good team book.

So assume for a moment I can somehow get Bendis to relinquish the job, while staying on Ultimate Spider-Man (because I like his work on that book, just not New Avengers), who do I replace him with? The guys at the store, Eric and Len, provided two possibilities:

1. Mark Waid. he was the first person I thought of, I loved his work on JLA. I haven't read his Legion of Superheroes, so I don't know if he's still got it, or if he suffered a Liefield-like talent drop. Unfortunately, he has an exclusive DC contract, so unless I can cause some disharmony between the entities (Devin Grayson? I'd be alright bringing her to Marvel, she did a Ghost Rider mini-series a few years ago I thought was ok. And she wouldn't be doing her fangirl stuff on Nightwing, which might be best for both parties). But as that's unlikely, he's probably out of the running. Moving on.

2. Tony Bedard (Exiles and Negation). Len suggested him, and one of the things I liked was Bedard seems to write from a tactical standpoint in battles. Rather than match your hand-to hand fighter with theirs, use your long-range specialist. I've got kind of thing about that, pitting two groups of characters (or just two characters against each other) against each other, and figuring out what would be the best way for each side to win. And Captain America runs the Avengers, so tacitcally they should be good. He's been in wars, he knows how it works. So Bedard sounds intriguing.

So that's what I got. What about you, suggestions?

Correction: Mallet has informed me that Joe Kelly wrote "Obsidian Age", not Mark Waid, so I guess that's a point in favor of Joe Kelly then. And I'll remove that as a reason for Waid from the post above. I still liked Waid's work on JLA, so he's still on my considerations list.

A Quick request of the DC Universe

No, it's not for their books to stop beating Marvel's in sales. I would like to formally request that someone, anyone introduce Supergirl to the Earth concept of "food". I know that women are rarely if ever portrayed accurately physically in comics, but she's in Kate Moss territory right now, and Kryptonian or no, that can't be good.

You'd think Artemis would have taught her about the importance of eating as a warrior, you to provide the energy for warrioring? Isn't the old saying "An army travels on its stomach"? Well, she's as powerful as an army, so clearly she needs to eat more than the single lettuce leaf she ingests every three days right now.

(I was going to make a joke about "Doctor Light thanks you". Then I remembered Supergirl is Luthor's territory, and . . . I should just stop now.)