FINANCIAL DEPRESSION CONFESSION: Why My Money Woes Were The End of The World!

Have you (or someone you know) ever thought that your money or credit woes were the end of the world? I have.

 

Many of my private clients dealing with money or credit woes were also dealing with major depression as a result of their financial situation. Whether their challenging financial situation was due to a job loss, excessive debt, unexpected financial expense, or lack of money management skills and knowledge; the emotional stress caused significant mental and physical illnesses like high blood pressure, anxiety attacks, etc. 

I can absolutely relate. So, I am sharing my Financial Depression Confession of how my money woes made me feel like it was the end of the world and what I did to help myself get better. My hope is that my transparency with this experience will help someone get through their extremely sensitive and painful period of financial depression. 
  

IT WAS THE END OF THE WORLD!
  
I dealt with major depression. I didn’t want to get out of bed, wasn’t motivated to clean my house, didn’t want to talk or see anyone, and I cried … A LOT! I suffered from insomnia and exhaustion. I over ate and didn’t exercise, so of course I gained lots of weight, which killed my self-esteem. This vicious cycle made me feel like it was the end of the world! I even contemplated suicide, but honestly … I couldn’t even “financially” afford to kill myself. Wait! Before you judge … depression is a severe psychological illness and if not treated, it can cause the sanest person to consider or do insane things.

  
WHAT I DID: I got help! I went to clinical counselor to talk about my feelings. I know what you maybe thinking, but talking out some major emotional insecurities and feelings with a qualified third party helped me to deal with those emotions. It also gave me an unbiased support system. I was reminded that my emotions were normal, which helped me to realize that what I was going through was NOT the end of the world. By purging my private pain, I was able to free my mind to think more logically.

  
NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!

  
I didn't believe that anyone would understand what I was going through. I’m Madam Money! How could anyone understand how or why I was dealing with Money Woes? I didn't think that anyone would understand, so I isolated myself. It was a very lonely place to not have anyone I could trust to share that I was dealing with my deepest and darkest fears of about money.
  
WHAT I DID: Once I realized that this "lie" I was telling myself was bred from my PRIDE. I was too proud to ask for help. So, I had to humble myself and ask my a core circle of family and friends for help. I established specific roles for each of them to help me. For example, I had friends that helped me and held me accountable for eating better and exercising, friends that made me get out of the house to avoid isolation, and a family member that helped me financially when I absolutely needed. Asking for help was the hardest thing for me to do, but it was the best thing I could have ever done. And guess what, they understood because they experienced what I was going through.

I WAS EMOTIONALLY PARALYZED

  
Emotionally and mentally, I was paralyzed. I just couldn't move past what I was going through. Yes, I prayed and did my best to trust that God would get me through it, but I just couldn't do what was necessary to allow God to move. “Faith without Works is dead!” I knew that Bible verse and said it to myself every day. But … I felt helpless and hopeless which kept me paralyzed.
  
WHAT I DID: I changed my MIND! I realized that the eyes may be the strongest muscles in the body, but the Mind (brain) is the hardest muscle to change. So, I worked at it everyday. I changed what I watched, read and listened to. I became extremely protective about what I allowed to enter my mind because Thoughts turn into Words, Words turn into more Thoughts and those Thoughts turn into Actions or Non-Actions. What we visualize will actualize (positive or negative) so I only allowed positive and actionable thoughts, through affirmations, songs, books, etc.

  
OPERATION: FINANCIAL SELF-SABOTAGE

  
I medicated my pain through spending money on eating out every day, drinking and shopping. Oh yes I did! Dealing with the pain was too painful. So I tried to numb the pain by doing the opposite of was I know to do. Knowing what to do and how to do it but doing the opposite is “self-sabotage.” I become my own worst enemy. I became my most challenging client.

WHAT I DID: I got help from another financial coach. Yup! Coaches need coaching too. Even though I didn’t need my coach to tell me what to do; I needed my coach to hold me accountable to do what I know I’m supposed to do. My coach guided me through the process as a support system to stop my financial hemorrhaging caused by my financial self-sabotage. 

  
SELF DOUBT DESTROYED ME!

Everything I did to try to improve my situation, just didn't work. The more my attempts failed the more I doubted myself and my ability to fix my situation. How do you destroy the most confident person in the world … DOUBT! Doubt is the direct result of Fear, which is “False Evidence Appearing Real.” Bottom line … I was afraid to fail and because my attempts weren't working, this failure made me doubt everything.

  
WHAT I DID: Believe it or not … I connected with others! By connecting and networking with other people and professionals, I had intellectually stimulating conversations. Those conversations helped me build new relationships and networks. Those new relationships and networks valued my connection because of my personality, expertise or passion. This built up my confidence. Not only that, I connected with people who experienced my challenges, or knew someone who could assist me with my some of my challenges. This built up my confidence and reduced my doubt. 

 I’m not saying that everything that I did to help me will help you. But I am saying that there is HOPE and HELP for anything that you may be going through. 
  
Whatever you are going through, even though it may feel like it … it is NOT the end of the world.  It is the beginning of a new opportunity to make you stronger than ever to improve your current financial situation. 

  
I look forward to being a resource to help you through my pain, passion and purpose.

Making Money Matters Manageable,

Tarra Jackson

American Horror Storys Madame LaLaurie

Anyone who has ever heard me tell ghost stories knows that the positively diabolical tale of Madame LaLaurie is my absolute favorite tale of ghoulish, ghostly, evil.  Madame LaLaurie makes most serial killers look like house pets and the mansion that stands as a rembrance of her cruelty is often called the most haunted house in the nation.  It is one of the few haunted locations that holds ghosts that have actually killed their victims (according to legend).

This is why I literally jumped for joy when I found out that my favorite television series, American Horror Story, will feature Kathy Bates playing Madame LaLaurie this year.  It really doesn't get much better than this.  Kathy Bates plays evil as deftly as any master and I can't wait to see her bring this iconic monster to life.  In order to celebrate, I've done a little history of Madame LaLaurie below.  American Horror Story premiers on FX at 10 pm October 9th.  I'm already there, in spirit.

 According to haunted New Orleans tours and Haunted America, the LaLaurie Mansion is the most haunted site in New Orleans. Sources say that the house is filled with tormented screams and terrifying wails. They describe chains rattling at night and the apparitions in chains wandering the halls. The house has been many things since the famous Delphine de LaLaurie abandoned it, but it hasn't been anything for as it has been quickly abandoned by every resident afterwards. Some stories indicate that the ghosts here are aggressive and that they have attacked residents with whips and some even claim that multiple deaths have resulted from the hellish, supernatural residents of 1140 Royal Street.

The history of this mansion can only be confirmed to a point. It is known that Delphine LaLaurie was a wealthy, socialite who resided until 1833. Many accounts from contemporaries show that Madam LaLaurie was uncommonly cruel and beastly to her slaves, even for a time when cruelty to slaves was somewhat common. Following a kitchen fire in the house in 1833, the remains of over 100 dead slaves were found. After this, the evidence becomes weaker. Many sources indicate that firefighters entering the house found a room in the house in which slaves had been tortured in the most gruesome ways. It is said that some slaves had been subjected to many unnecessary surgeries and had had their sex organs removed, mutilated, or sewn onto other slaves. Other slaves had their mouths sewn shut with feces in them and their intestines removed and nailed to the floor. The list of atrocities goes on and on and are so vile that I shutter to even write about them.

Whether the more gruesome elements of this story are true or not, it is true that LaLaurie was a beast and a serial killer and that reports continue that this house is tormented by constant ghosts and spirits. Anyone curious about this house will be easily appeased, as it is a regular part of all haunted New Orleans tours and the guides stories about the house are beyond chilling.  However,  the house's inability to maintain an owner still remains a problem.  Nicolas Cage bought the house in 2007 and it was foreclosed on in 2008.  The house is still vacant and owned by the bank.

Story The Island of the Dolls

There is an island just South of Mexico City called Xochimico. Xochimico is famous for its beautiful gardens, scenic canals, and ancient history. Thousands of tourists travel through the canals of this beautiful island to gaze in wonder at the hanging gardens of Mexico. Hidden deep in these canals, far away from the normal tourist routes is a swamp with that is thick with scraggly trees that are all hung heavy with with the broken and shattered remains of an army of dolls.

According to travelocity, it is the creepiest place on earth. Although I have never seen this island, I tend to agree. Fifty years ago, a little girl drown in the extensive canals that innervate the small island. At the time the island was occupied by a man named Don Julián Santana Barrera. Shortly after the little girl drowned, Barrera found a doll in the swampy waters of the isolated island. A few days later, he found another doll. Several days later he found another doll. Berrera became convinced that the dolls were a sign from the netherworld. He believed that the dolls were vessels that had been sent to keep the little girl company and prevent evil from seeping out through the swamp. Berrera took this message seriously and began to collect dolls from all over and hang dolls from the trees.

Berrera died mysteriously some time later and from that point the mystery grew. Many people said that the dolls had come to life and killed Berrera. Others insisted they had seen the dolls wandering the island at night. Some believe that the dolls have come to life to replace Berrera as the island's keeper. Whatever the case, the pictures of this location are terrifying. It is an island hung with decaying, glass eyed dolls that stare out vacantly at those that pass by in boats.

Malabon Citys Satan over St. Michael Statue

When I heard this story, I became interested. As well as feared of course. Satan - stepping over St. Michael?! It's kinda funny to think. I thought the creator just sculpted it by mistake, but if it was a mistake, then why he made it that way?

. . . And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels, and prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven. And the great dragon was cast out, that old Serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceived the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him . . .
-------Revelations 12:7-9

The verse is describing a war in heaven about how St. Michael the Archangel defeated Satan. That's the bases of all the famous paintings and statues of St. Michael picturing his boldness and strength, symbolizing the power of light over darkness. However, in a tomb in Malabon City, instead depicting the original scene, it was opposite. The statue shows a peculiar and dislikable position of the two. Like what I said - Satan was stepping over St. Michael.

Well, there are reasons why the owner wanted it that way. Actually, he was a religious person and has that thinking-out-of-the-box mind to symbolize and extend his sympathy to mankind. He even put somewhat like a short script of a play beside his tomb.

This statue was featured in some television shows in the Philippines. Rated K of ABS-CBN Channel 2 hosted by Ms. Korina Sanchez featured it.

By the way, the HE I'm talking about is the one buried in the tomb. Just read the whole article so you'll understand why I'm refering to him.

The Story

The person buried in the tomb is Don Simeon Bernardo of Barangay Concepcion. One reason that brought this story here in urban legend is the belief, and also the rumor of many people that this person was a satanist which, in fact, he isn't.

According to his grandson, Don Simeon was a religious man, and a very prayerful person. He also expressly wished to have the statue placed over his tomb as symbolism and as reminder that the society was continuously and slowly being engulfed by darkness, and that the devil is winning against goodness, and people is forgetting and setting God aside of their lives. Well, making the statue as his reminder, I can say, it was successful.

Behind Don Simeon Bernardo's becoming popular and bizarre statue, he also had a very sad story. He suffered a bitter life in Spanish Regime here in the Philippines. He was accused by being a filibusterer, and then put him in prison in Fort Santiago. He was also tortured their mercilessly, like some of the Katipunero's . They also made him believed that God doesn't exist and they indocrinated the belief of his children. Don Simeon died in 1934.[a]

Maybe that's the reason why he ordered to have the image.

Like what I said above, there was a script-like thing beside it (located in the left side if you are facing the tomb). This was supposed to be a dialogue if Lucifer (Satan) and St. Michael are talking with each other.

LUCIFER: Bakit ka nakikialam sa kaharian ko dito sa lupa(,) ay hindi na kayo kundi ako ang hari, ako ang nagturo kay Eva at Adan kaya nagkaroon ng sangkatauhan. SAN MIGUEL: Ang lupa at langit ay gawa ng aking Panginoon, kaya hanggang dito ang aming kapangyarihan. LUCIFER: Bulaan(g) hambog, kung ano ang ibig ko(,) siya ritong masusunod at hindi ang ibig mo - digmaan, arihan, dayaan, sugal, (at) lahat ng layaw ng katawan naibibigay ko sa tao, pati mga alagad ng mga Panginoon mo, napapasunod ko, ano pa ang ginagawa mo rito? SAN MIGUEL (SA SARILI): Panginoon kong nasa langit nasaan ang kapangyarihan Mo? SAN MIGUEL: Tao, tulungan ninyo ako na labanan ang kasamaan, pairalin ang katarungan at pagibig sa kapwa, iwasan ang kasakiman sa salapi at kapangyarihan na pinagmumulan ng ligalig. [b]

LUCIFER: Why were you intruding my kingdom here on earth, which you're not the ruler anymore? I am the one who taught Eve and Adam, that's why mankind emerge. SAN MIGUEL (Saint Michael): The heaven and earth was both created by our Lord, so our powers even reaches here. LUCIFER: Arrogant liar! What I wanted here should be obeyed, and not what you like. War, wealth, fraud, gambling, and all the bodily comforts - I can gave it to every mankind. I can even make your Lord's servants obey me. So what are you doing here? SAN MIGUEL (TO HIMSELF): Oh my Lord God in heaven, where is Your power? SAN MIGUEL: Human, help me fight the evil, let peace exist, and love your neigbors, avoid greediness to wealth and the power coming from bodily wants.

Many believed that the passage was taken from the bible, but back in his time (Spanish Era), commoners were not allowed by friars to hold a bible. Well, prettilly obvious that it has no basis in the bible - no verse.

By the way, if you wanted to visit, the Malabon Municipal Cemetery, which is connected to Caloocan Public Cemetery, is located at Barangay Tugatog, Malabon City and Sangandaan, Caloocan City. It's one ride from Monumento to Sangandaan.

The Rumor

Aside of the rumor that Don Simeon Bernardo was a satanist which is not true, there are also rumors pointing to the supernatural ability of the devil statue.

Some people claimed that the image was originally small, but it seemed that it was growing each year.

Well, the main reason why this rumor sprouted is that in late 1970's the original was replaced by the one we see now. The first was actually smaller, and it was replaced because people destroyed it.

They also claimed that the devil statue moves at night and terrorizes people. That's why it was put in prison. (Hehehe ...)

Definitely NOT TRUE. People hate the structure because of its frightening look. Thus, people may intentionally throw rocks just to destroy it. And maybe this rumor emerged because of some tricky imagination, and perhaps just to scare drug addicts or some bad guys there who still wander over the place even at night. The cemetery is in the middle of the city.

The statue changes position. What I mean is, St. Michael sometimes on the top of Satan, and vice versa.

I don't know how to explain that. My professor told me this rumor - he's from Malabon. They said that in some circumstances, goodness prevail over evil, then goes back if the latter prevail over the former.

Source:
a. http://www.lakadpilipinas.com/2012/10/tugatog-city-demon-of-malabon-cemetery.html
b. http://www.mymalabon.net/2010/10/heres-unusual-reminder-at-tugatog.html
c. http://thehorrortree.blogspot.com/2013/02/simeon-bernardos-tomb.html

A Ghost Tour of Haunted Ebay

I find the number of creepy ghost stories that seem to slither their way off of  Ebay fascinating.   Items that have horrible histories and terribly haunting stories are common place on Ebay.  Check my story below "The Dibbuk Box" for a peek into one of my favorites.  A few of these haunted Ebay item stories have gone viral and spread. However, there are literally thousands more of these haunted items on Ebay that seem to go entirely unnoticed. The majority of these items are dolls, but there are other interesting items in the mix.  Many of these items have compelling back stories and interesting histories.  I'm going assume most of the haunted items on Ebay are Hokum, but the creativity that goes into these stories are worth noting.  It is also just interesting to explore haunted Ebay.

Haunted Doll Puppet Savannah:  Ebay Item #:  121154390486  Price$15.49

This is a very old haunted doll puppet named Savannah, I purchased her along with a few other items from a witch estate Salem Ma. on my last trip there a week and a half ago. This doll is beautiful I have never seen another like her, she is amazing, I love the little bird on her hand, and the black and red lace dress that she is wearing, when I purchased her the lady who sold me her, said that there is a soul of a woman attached to this doll vessel, and that she was very wealthy, she married into it, she met her husband at a convention, she was a waitress there, she was serving that night when he set eyes on her, she was breath taking, he fell in love with her at first site, he approached her and introduced himself, but she was of course intimidated by his hefty wallet, so she turned his offer of exchanging numbers down that night, but he was persistent, he found out where she lived, and he located her, a few weeks later, she was stunned by the effort that he made to find her, so when he asked her out she excepted, they dated a few months and by then she had also fell for him, so they married shortly after, they had a happy marriage, until one day all that changed, her husbands company began to seep down hill, and he became agitated, he turned into a man that she did not recognize, all they did was fight and argue about the littlest things, soon they felt like strangers, they began to thrift apart, the love that they once had for each other, was like a light in the farthest distance of the ocean, that neither one could grasp, soon the light had vanished completely, and there was no turning back, Savannah began to find comfort in a new love interest of hers, he was the grounds keeper, they began to form a love for each other, because when she was down about her husband, he was the shoulder that she cried on, they would sneak off together into the fields and make passionate love, soon the other staff began to talk, soon the whole town was talking, and sure enough the news had gotten back to her husband, who felt that he was not finished with the marriage, he wanted answers, she told him that it was just rumors, and that they were just friends, later that night while her husband was asleep she slowly slipped off the bed, and exited down the corridor, she had to see her love to assure him, that her heart was always with him, and that she had to lie because she did not want to cause trouble for him, because she loves him dearly, she found him sleeping in his room, she told him how she felt, and he said that he knew, he can feel their love for each other, and that they should leave together, they planned that the next morning they will leave and never return, they kissed goodbye and parted ways, Savannah was unaware that her husband had followed her and was listening to her sneaky plan, the next morning she woke and her husband was by her bedside, he was very polite and generous, he rubbed her feet and shoulders, and kissed her passionately, she pushed him away, she told him that she was upset that he accused her like he did, and that he should have never done that, he apologized, room service brought in breakfast, he told her to wash up, because they will be having breakfast in bed today, she was stunned and figured that he was trying to butter her up, so she went to freshen up, after breakfast she felt ill, her stomach began to cramp, she said I do not feel well, and she lied down, about 20mins later she was dead, her husband had poisoned her, later her lover saw all of the commotion and did not know what was going on, then he saw them taking out a body bag, he was still confused, he looked and looked around to try to figure who it could have been in the bag, then he overheard a lady speaking to her husband, asking if he had any idea of what may have happened to Savannah, and this is when he fell to his knees, screaming noooooo!!!! nooooo!!!! why? why? not Savannah! NOOOOO!!! everyone was starring at him, some staff even had tears in their eyes, because they knew how much he loved her, and her husband stood there with a smile on his face, later they found out that her husband did it, and he received the death penalty, but her poor love, never married, or had children, he died a lonely man, waiting for his lost love. Savannah became attached to this vessel, because it was a gift from him to her, he gave it to her on her 29th birthday, it reminded him of her because she loved to wear red, and black, they were her favorite colors, and she had a pet bird that was similar to this one, Savannah is a loving spirit she is great to enhance your relationship, she helps things work out for the best, she is a blessing and she will make an excellent addition to any haunted doll collection, she is a puppet and she does not have any legs, she is very unique anyone who owns her will be very lucky, thanks for reading, blessings, love, and light...

Vintage 1930's Rare Cocktail Ice Crusher from Haunted Collection Estate 

Ebay Item #:261261617936  Price$35.00

This item is from the estate collection of my friend Maggie, a respected medium. She collected highly unusual items for most of her life. Please read below the description for information on the estate that this item hails from. The description relates to you what was related to me and my own experience, if any with the item. I make no claims that you will have the same or any experience with this unique vintage barware item. I am not auctioning off anything other than a vintage ice crusher. 

This is a rare vintage cocktail ice crusher from the 1930's. Stainless steel (very rare in the 1930's) with a wood handle and razor sharp crushing blade things! Wicked looking for sure, but will not bring any wickedness to your home. Quite the opposite! Maggie acquired this old piece from the grand daughter of the original owner, Charlie. Charlie lived a good life, was a good man, but passed at the early age of 54 back in 1959. Charlie was a heavy drinker all of his life and struggled with it. On the mornings after, Charlie would get out this ice crusher and make a homemade hangover concoction - crushing ice, tomato juice and other stuff in this stainless cup. The ONLY time he used it was on these mornings. After Charile left this earth, his wife could hardly stand the sight of this ice crusher but could not bring herself to get rid of it. It was a prized possession of her late husband, who would often talk about the quality of stainless steel. To her...it was a memory of the alcoholism that killed him. Eventually the item passed on to Charlies daughter. The family felt his presence in the home and attributed it to the ice crusher. They experienced the sound of tinkling ice in glass, laughter, footsteps, knocking and doors opening/closing. Pranks.The item was finally given to Maggie as the disruptions became too much for a new family. My personal experience, and again, this may not be yours, but here at my house, my dogs have loved having a new playmate around. I think Charile loved dogs. I have heard him romping around with mine! It is a unique vintage item to add to a collection. 

Haunted Jewelry 

Ebay Item #:  111140201376  Price$89.99

This Ring is to powerful to even have in anyone's possession, but the witches cajinn the ring is known to contact the dead and let them thru and bring evil to your enemies you wish upon VERY DANGEROUS if you dont know what your doing! If you are not certified in witchcraft please don't purchase this ring something can go wrong and you have NO control over what is brought thru BUY AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Antique Rogers Silver Plated Pitcher Large from Haunted Collection

Ebay Item #: 261262194754  Price$30.00

This antique pitcher would be beautiful if someone is willing to put some elbow grease into it and polish off the decades of tarnish. If you look at the 2nd photo, you can see I polished a section of it. I did not finish because as soon as I started, the activity began. I got my hair pulled, the phone rang with no one on the other end and there was a strong, strong scent of almonds. Too much for me. I am still very uneasy having all these "visitors". Maggies notes on this item say - "Jules. Found hidden in coal bin, 1947 - Denver, Co. Katherine. Homicide. Eternally pissed off (her words, not mine :) ) likes attention." So there you have it. Very old William Rogers. Engraved on bottom. I cannot make out the numbers. As I said - this could be a beautiful antique piece with a little TLC. Large - 9 inches high and 7 from handle to spout.

Madam Money's Q & A: Will Rent Reference Help Mortgage Application

Have you (or someone you know) ever wondered if a reference letter from a landlord would help with showing payment history for a mortgage application? 

Great Question!  Here the answer ... 



Do you have a personal finance or credit questions?  

Ask me and get answers! 

Just email your question to Tarra@TarraJackson.com. 

Making Money Matters Manageable, 

Tarra Jackson

Another Legend

Even before I started school I was interested in how things worked. That's probably why I eventually became an engineer. But it wasn't just how things were put together that fired my imagination. I often wondered how things were created. What was the spark that led to these things being invented?

It's the same with TV programmes and feature films. I'm fascinated by the story behind the story. How does a writer's idea get to the point where his words are being spoken on screen? I want to learn about the process and bits of trivia that occur in between those two endpoints. These days there are programmes that give us behind-the-scenes insights into some of our most popular series.

So, as promised in my last post, I'm now going to share some facts about one of my favourite TV series.

Some of you might be old enough to remember The Adventures Of Robin Hood. The one that starred Richard Greene.

The programme was commissioned by Lew Grade but was created by American writers who couldn't find work in the US, having fallen foul of the McCarthy communist witch-hunts in the 1950s. Because of their precarious position the writers could not be granted artistic credit for the episodes they worked on.

Apart from film actor Richard Greene, many other established and future stars appeared during the series. The one I remember is Paul Eddington of The Good Life and Yes Minister who played Will Scarlett if my memory serves me right.

You may also remember actress Patricia Driscoll, who played Maid Marion. She was the presenter of the Watch With Mother programme Picture Book.

The theme song was recorded as a single and rose quite high in the UK charts. I think I still have a copy somewhere in my loft. (On a 78rpm of course).

One episode of the 2006 BBC Robin Hood series was entitled Lardner's ring as a tribute to Ring Lardner, one of the original 1950s writers.

Does anyone else have memories of this drama?