Happy Halloween!

Halloween Party Madness

This week has been filled with planning for Halloween. Our annual Halloween party was last night and here are a few pictures of our nonsense.   I hope all of your Halloweens are as fun as ours has become!

Our little mortuary before the night made it too creepy.

We brought back fortune telling as a Halloween tradition.

My little Cthulu and his brother the brain eating zombie terrorized the party guests.

I decided I was too pregnant to stand half way through the party and let my husband, the pirate, bring me drinks.

We  borrowed the design for this creepy tree from http://mizerella.blogspot.com/2011/09/30-haunted-tree.html#comment-form   It turned out wonderfully and made our Hearth room into a haunted forest.  Our pet conure fit right in.

Crikey!

I read in the news the other day that, because of the popularity of text speak, traditional British words are dying out. So I think it's the duty of all of us to reverse this trend and start to introduce some of this vocabulary back into our work. This is my attempt and I expect you all to follow my example. See if you can guess which are the words in danger of dying out before clicking on the link above. Not sure I've used some of them correctly.

“Cripes!” exclaimed Dickens as he threw down his newspaper in disgust. “What bally awful news.”
“What is it?” enquired Darwin. “What malaise is troubling your mind? Has the tomfoolery of the rambunctious masses exploded into civil unrest?”
“Verily, if that were all that is wrong,” replied the renowned raconteur. “See for yourself.”
As the famous scientist picked up the sheet, the door opened and in walked their friend.
“Salutations!” declared Gladstone on entering the room. “And felicitations on your latest novel Mr Dickens. Rather a spiffing yarn I thought. I understand it has been lauded across the land.”
“Load of balderdash if you ask me,” said Darwin.
“Don't be such a cad,” said the novelist. “If I were a fighting man I would smite you down and quash those unkind sentiments of yours.”
“A woman is jilted by her betrothed and remains shut away wearing her wedding dress for the rest of her life? And that Pip seemed a laggardly fellow to me. Betwixt the two of them, I don't know which character was the most unbelievable. Unless I am lacking in some arcane knowledge.”
“For a naturalist you are unnaturally rude,” said Gladstone. “I thought it was a swell piece of fiction.”

Five Forgotten Halloween Traditions to Bring Back

Those of you who have been following my blog for a while might remember this post.  As I hang spiders and bake mummy dogs by the dozens for tomorrow's Halloween party, I thought it might be nice to reuse my favorite Halloween post from last year. Halloween is my favorite Holiday. It has a very long history that is often forgotten. Although Halloween's roots can be traced back to pagan practices, it's name came from Christians. Halloween was the time of year when the ancient Celts believed that the veil between this world and the "otherworld" became thin allowing for spirits to have more access to our world. This was, naturally, quite terrifying to the Celts. In order to protect themselves from the spirits, people built enormous bonfires and cast bones into them to scare the spirits away. They also dressed up as terrifying spirits to confuse wicked spirits into believing they were spirits themselves. The Celts called Halloween Samhain. It was the Catholics that came up with the name Halloween. The early Christians were masters at taking local pagan holidays and integrating into their own Christian days. Even Christmas was stolen from Saturnalia. Catholics took Samhain and made it All Saints day, a day to celebrate the spirits of all the deceased saint. All Hallow's Eve was the night before All Saints day. The term All Hallow's Eve was eventually shortened to Halloween.


Through Halloween's long history there have been many traditions that have been simply left behind. This saddens me. So here are some I think we should bring back.

1.Colcannon: This is an Irish dish made with cabbage, kale, and potatoes. Small coins and prizes are usually hidden in this dish making it a little treasure hunt. I admit, this dish sounds repugnant, however, if altered slightly to regular potatoes the treasure hunt in dinner form is great fun for kids and adults. Just don't swallow the pennies.

2. Barmbrack: This is another food tradition. It is a tradition Irish fruitcake baked into a ring. Items are placed within the cake that for tell the future. For example, if you find the wedding ring, you'll be married soon. Finding coins predicts great wealth.

3. Tricking: Back in the old days the trick in trick or treating had meaning. People would hit the streets causing mayhem and playing tricks on people in their costumes and the only way to avoid the "tricking" was to give out treats. What happened to the tricks? Not saying you should set your neighbor's lawn on fire or anything, but if stingy old Ms. Brown isn't giving out candy this year, some fake poo on her porch might be perfect.

4. Bonfires: Why not scare bad spirits away with fires? Fires are fun. I'm building a fire in my fire pit this Halloween.

5. Fortune Telling: There are many types of fortune telling done on Halloween night, but one's fortune was always believe to be most easily predicted on Halloween. Whether you were reading tea leaves, apple peals, or gazing into mirrors to see your future, a prediction made on Halloween was always accurate.

A True Horror Story

Halloween is filled with horror stories.  Horror movies are on television and writers paper the world with stories of things that go bump in the night, but fiction is always slightly less terrifying than real life.  There is little in the world of fiction that can compare with the atrocities of the holocaust or the rape of Nanjing.   The Countess Bathory and Lady LaLaurie are more terrifying than any fictional serial killer.   So for tonight,  I will tell a true tale of a flesh and blood monster who is more terrifying to me than Freddy or Jason.

This is the story of a small man named Schafer.   Schafer was born into a time of violence and hatred and he embraced it was a lustful passion.   He was a German who was part of the Hitler youth in his childhood.  As a young adult, he embraced the Nazi mission and became a medic in the army, but his part in the Nazi atrocities was a small thing compared to the monster he was to become.  As an adult, he became a Lutheran minister and set up a home for orphaned children.   He seemed like a good man and many good German citizens followed him in his charitable crusade.   They more than followed him, they worshipped him.  To Schaffer's followers, he became a vision of God on Earth.  He became a symbol of Christian goodness in their eyes and he became a cult leader to his followers.  In 1959,  he founded the Private Social Mission.  Its purpose was to help poor children and those who followed him saw the goodness in this.  Yet, that same year, Schafer had to flee West Germany.  His followers fled with him and still believed in him, but the authorities wanted him for the sexual abuse of the very children he claimed to be trying to save.

Schafer took his hundreds of followers to Chile where he founded the  Colonia Dignidad community. In this community his followers worked seven days a week, 12 hours a day to create Schafer's ideal utopia.   It was in the Colonia that Schafer showed his true colors to his followers.   He surrounded the colony in barbed wire fences and had a watch tower at the center of the camp.  Descent or complaints were met severe punishment and torture.  Schaffer built a medical facility in the camp that became renowned as a torture facility.  Sex was strictly prohibited in the camp.  One of his ex-followers described his punishment for breaking the laws of the camp.   He and his wife had sex and she became pregnant.   The couple attempted to flee the camp, but were captured.   The woman was forced to have an abortion and tortured with electric shock and so was the man.  The only sex that was allowed in the camp was that between Schaffer and the new orphans he had brought to the camp and the other children of the camp.  He founded yet another orphanage and home for abandoned children and this time there was no limit to his cruelty.  Schafer sexually abused the children and subjected them to bizarre experiments involving electroshock to the genitals to try to prevent them from maturing into adults.

Schafer's torture techniques became so famous that when dictator Pinochette took over Chile, he paid Schafer to use his medical wing for torture of political prisoners.  Schafer's colony held the official torture chamber for the Pinochette dictatorship so Schafer had political sanction for his cruelty to his people and the people that were brought to him.   After the Pinochette dictatorship collapsed, people finally began to report the atrocities that had been committed to them by Schaffer.  Schafer fled the colony in 1997 after he was accused of child molestation and crimes against humanity.  He wasn't convicted until 2006.  He died in prison at the age of 88, but he thrived as the kind of monster that make fairy tale witches seem pleasant for decades.

I did wonder if the colony was haunted.  It seems a place that bore witness to such horror must hold ghosts, but it seems the colony still remains somewhat active.   In 2006,  there were still residents at the camp.  Schafer so sheltered his followers from the real world that even after the horror, they didn't know where to flee.  They had been trapped in a world of work where everyone still wore 1950s garb and sung German folk songs.  Those that live in the colony today don't speak of ghosts, but ask for forgiveness for the sins of their former leader.  Sometimes, the real monsters are more terrifying than anything anyone can dream of and Schafer was one of those monsters.

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A Horror Novel for Halloween!

My first novel was my darkest.   I think I was having a dark night of the soul when I wrote this one.  It was littered with sex, violence, and old gods.  I've changed a lot since I wrote this novel, but the novel itself has remained the same.   My inspiration for this bit of horror was the state hospital where I did my internship, Searcy State Hospital.  As soon as I stepped into this old, battered hospital with its dark history and old ghosts I knew something had to be written about it.  So I wrote Circe.   Even though this was my first book written, Circe is my fourth book to be released.   It was released in ebook format today.   If you read ebooks and you like sex, violence, and old demons that grab hold of the world through the voices of the insane,  this might be a good book for your Halloween reading!

I will be celebrating the release of this book with giveaways and fun once I have all the details!  I'm thinking I should give away something fun for this book like a Cthulhu hand puppet or a collection of Lovecraft short stories, since Lovecraft strongly influenced me when I wrote this book.  What do ya'll think?

Buy Now At:
http://lachesispublishing.com/proddetail.asp?prod=Circe

Why We Wear Halloween Costumes

One of the most popular parts of Halloween is the costumes.  Dressing up as a sexy maid or a horrible zombie is the Hallmark of our modern Holiday celebration.  But as Halloween creeps up on us, I always think it is fun to think back to where this tradition came from.  It is good to know why we dress up on Halloween.  Halloween's history is most commonly traced back to the Celtic festival of Samhain. During Samhain, the Celts believed that the divider between this world and the next became thin. This thinning allowed both malevolent and benevolent spirits to cross over to our world. This naturally caused a good deal of fear and anxiety for the ancient Celts. While family ghosts were welcomed, bad spirits had to be scared off. Celts used bonfires to drive evil spirits off. They also used apotropaic devices to scare off bad spirits.

Apotropaic literally means to ward off evil but apotopaic devices are often devices that are so terrifying that they scare away evil. My favorite examples of apotropaic devices are the gargoyles and terrible monsters that line the outside and insides of medieval cathedrals in Europe. The most holy places in the medieval world were lined with horrifying demons and monsters that are often depicted devouring people and animals. These horrors were so terrible that medieval people thought that even evil spirits would be frightened off.

Costumes were used as both apotropaic devices and disguises to confuse the spirits. In Scotland, young men pretended to be dead by blackening their faces. These costumes evolved over the years and were eventually used in the late medieval practice of souling when poor people would go door to door asking for food. This practice eventually evolved into costumed trick or treating. So as you plan your costume this year remember that it should not only be interesting, but it should scare off evil spirits as well!

I'm Romantic (Sometimes)

Just a short trip up the M1 to Chesterfield on Saturday to take part in Sally Quilford's workshop on pocket novels for My Weekly and People's Friend. Also there was my friend Carol from Nottingham Writers' Club. It was a fantastic day. Sally is very friendly and relaxed which rubbed off on all the attendees. As well as learning the dos and don'ts of writing romance for these magazines we all had a lot of laughs. In addition, I swapped blog addresses with a couple of the other participants so my writers' network continues to grow. So if you get the chance to go to one of Sally's workshops I thoroughly recommend it.

Just to show that I did learn something (or not – you decide):

Keith's lips brushed Sally's cheek as they embraced and said their goodbyes. Turning swiftly away before his rugged good looks betrayed the sadness in his eyes, he left Chesterfield Market Hall wondering if they would ever meet again.

Case theories (aka: don't go chasing waterfalls)

I've read on a very good blawg (I forget the link, but I'll find it and post it eventually) that lawyers should write down phrases, words, and themes that they can use for future cases. Apparently, that stroke of genius may never hit you again, and you never know when you're going to need a good theme. I've decided to put a couple of the obvious standards down, but I'd love some help adding to the list. ;)

1) Bitch set me up. (Alternatively called the "Marion Barry") This is a great theme, and a succinct one at that. Rather than perpetuating the same old SODDI defense time after time, how about we surprise the court and the jurors by taking something out of a shitty Nicolas Cage movie? I advise telling your client that this is the exact theme of your case, as he may jump up sometime during court and shout this (or, even better, scream it at FBI agents of his own accord).

2) He had it coming. Really, who couldn't use a little bit more of the Cellblock Tango in their life? This is a good one to keep in mind during voir dire, because, honestly, who hasn't wanted to blow their husband's head off for his little idiosyncrasies that he purposefully perpetuates? (In this case, I'd probably have the client sing the ditty on the stand, then submit her crazy defense.) Which brings me to:

3) He's coo-coo for CoCoa puffs.... The old crazy standard always has to be on your list. And ever so often, they might actually be crazy. For the record, though, being out-of-your-mind drunk DOES NOT count as a defense. You may argue it, but I don't suggest it.

AND A FEW OF MY OWN:

4) Life is a box of chocolates (At least, that's what my mama always told me)--this is helpful during civil cases where someone is arguing (somewhat ridiculously) that something didn't turn out "fair." As an old and wise professor once quoted to our class (his previous and presumably dead and wise professor): "FAIR? You know what fair is here in {insert location}? It comes around twice a year." (And might I recommend some cotton candy....or chocolates?)

5) With great power comes great responsibility (especially when you're highly attractive and your apartment smells of rich mahogany)-- great for indicting doctors, fellow lawyers, congressman, particularly attractive people, and bodyguards at your town's local bar.

Any case themes I should add to my repertoire?

I'm Friendly (Usually)

Thanks to Angela at Fonts and Fiction
for my Friendly Blogger award. Angela is a colleague at Nottingham Writers Club and often posts examples of her poetry and prose. If you like beautifully written descriptive material and brilliant scene-setting then please go along and have a look.
I think most of the blogs I follow have already received this award so I have just these two to pass it on to. As far as I know these have not yet been honoured and they are both very friendly.

Frances Garrood


A Mission Impossible For The Dark Fantasy Nightwriter

Sharing Ghost Stories at the Huntsville Public Library

I was lucky enough to be invited to speak at the Huntsville Public Library tonight.  I was invited to share my ghost stories and spread chilling tales for Halloween.  This was wonderful for me.  I was nervous. I'm a writer not a speaker so I wasn't sure how I'd do, but I was helped by a fabulous audience and the staff at the library.   I may have floundered a bit with my story telling skills, but my audience saved me with fabulous stories.

One of my favorite stories came from a lady sitting in the front row.  She is going to send me photographs and details later, but from what she said tonight I learned a lot about The Moody Brick.  Her great-great grandfather was involved in a tragedy I hadn't heard of at my favorite haunted house, The Moody Brick.  I wrote about the Moody Brick in my book Haunted North Alabama.  It is a house that has been haunted by dark shadow from its construction.  Many have died there, but this lady told me her family story.   Her ancestor was an abolitionist and three men who resented his views murdered him and buried him at The Moody Brick.  His murders were apprehended and hung from the old tree in front of the house.  This only adds to the many horror stories and tragedies that creep out of the haunted location like a dark shadow and the lady shared her story with everyone making the Moody Brick more real and more personal.

Another visitor told a story about another haunted location from my book.  He spoke of Hell's Gates.  I've been to Hell's Gates looking for ghosts and found only wind and darkness.  But he says while he visited this dark location, an unseen force pelted him with sticks and bramble and sent him running into the darkness.  In the darkness, he tripped and hurt his ankle.   Another gentleman told us about the house he lived in, which is very haunted.   He says his ghost is a moody sort of woman who is protective of her old home.  A final lady, stood up and told us stories from Huntsville's haunted train station, The Huntsville Depot.  She shared the encounters of those she knew and spoke of the multitude of ghost that creep out of the old train station.

I learned a lot tonight, but mostly I learned that public speaking is the best way to gather new ghost stories.  I also learned it is much more fun to listen than to speak.

I'm pretty sure this cover letter covers it all......

Click on it to make it bigger. Happy Hump Day.

--Dr. J

Closing arguments--don't try this in court.....

Participated in a closing argument contest recently. Of course, I won nothing....unless you include fodder for future blogs and a future nod in the Karma department to be winning. Considering the level of losing I've been achieving lately, I'm losing faith in the usually-comforting Karma (aka: since I keep losing, surely I'll eventually win at something....right? RIGHT?!?!?!?)

So, in order to supplement your advice on how to lose in a trial competition, let me tell you some of the things that apparently win closing arguments: (and I only wish I were kidding)

1) Do not introduce yourself to the court. EVER. It will then be your fault that they are unsure of the name they should engrave on your winning trophy.

2) Don't ever please the court. Forget tradition. Screw respect. LISTEN TO ME, DAMMIT. I DON'T NEED YOUR PLEASES! If you must do this, I recommend the line "Would it please the court to kiss my ass." 

3) Do not ask that they return a specific verdict. Particularly if you're asking for a verdict of not guilty. You DEFINITELY don't want to ask that your client be freed from prison due to his innocence. Surely not.

4) Sarcasm=winning. The judges LOVE sarcasm. They lap that shit up. I'd even suggest a little Bon Qui Qui head snap and finger jerk to show them some real attitude. 

5) Offending the jury? THAT'S A-OKAY! Especially with regard to money: "The prosecution will assert the defendant killed the victim over a measly two thousand dollars." (I'd slit your throat for a candy bar, but that's neither here nor there.) If you could also possibly throw in a racial epithet somewhere, I'm sure they'd award you a couple of bonus points.

6) Fake some sort of illness or disability. I recommend wearing your arm in a sling. Or perhaps a jaunty eyepatch. 

7) If you are a girl, WEAR YOUR HAIR IN YOUR FACE. Ever so often, play with it. If you are a guy with long hair, I also recommend this. 

8) Lie about your level of learning! (No this did not happen, but I fully advocate telling them you are a 2L rather than 3L, since they are sure to view the aforementioned advice and mistakes as a charming indication of your lack of legal finesse and score you higher because of it.)

Happy Monday, everyone.

The Maple Hill Cemetery Stroll

Maple Hill Cemetery is one of the largest and oldest cemeteries in the Southeast. It contains the remains of some of the most important people in Southern History and every year the dead rise to share their stories in the Maple Hill Cemetery Stroll.  I enjoyed a lovely day of history and ghosts this Sunday on this cemetery stroll.  Here are some images of the walk.

Sally Carter  is one of the most famous ghosts in Huntsville, Alabama.  Here she tells her tragic tale of woe.

Talula Bankhead starred in numerous films, including Alfred Hitchcock's famous "Lifeboat".   She remembers her last words at the cemetery walk.  They were, "I need more bourbon."

Huntsville's Gypsy Queen reminds locals that she was buried with her treasure and any who dare touch it will be haunted by her for the rest of their lives.

The famous cow, Lily Flag, that won the 1982 World's Fair trophy, shares its mooooving story.

The Bloody Elevator

This is one of the more gruesome stories I learned about on the Gatlinburg Ghost Walk.   It is a story of the foolishness of human behavior.  According to our ghostly guide, not so long ago there was some construction work on the Space Needle in Gatlinburg.  Two workers were hired to do some basic, simple work.  They were required to go to the top of the needle.  These two workers weren't the brightest bulbs in the box, but they got the job done.  As workers, they were told to go down the stairs and leave the elevator for tourists.   One of the workers was tired and really didn't want to take the stairs.  He came up with a brilliant plan.   He figured they could just jump on the top of the elevator as it went down the shaft and ride down the elevator in secret.  His friend didn't think this was a great plan, but the worker wasn't someone who could easily change his mind. So as the elevator began its descent, he made a jump down the shaft onto the top of the elevator.   Of course, this didn't work out as planned.

The man fell hard on the top of the elevator and got his leg caught in the gears.  The gears slowly drug the screaming worker into them, crunching bone and slowly killing the screaming dare devil.  It wasn't a pleasant death.  As the man above them slowly died, the tourists in the elevator below heard his shrieks of agony.   Since it was a glass elevator, they also began to see blood dripping down the side of the elevator.  As the elevator ground the body of the man above, the blood pooled on the top of the elevator and began to drip through the ceiling onto the tourists trapped inside.   The elevator finally stopped and the tourists were left trapped in an elevator that was slowly filling with more and more blood.  The worker had died, but the tourists' ordeal was just beginning.  It took three hours to save them from the bloody elevator and every passenger trapped in the elevator would go on to need counseling.

According to legend,  the elevator on the Space Needle has been haunted ever since then.   Periodically the elevator will stop and passengers will hear phantom screams and see blood dripping down the glass.  

Occupy Reality

The law school scam bloggers have discovered new territory when it comes to making their voices heard: OCCUPY _________. I've got an idea for them: how about they occupy Common Sense Land?

I generally tend try my damnedest to not pipe in on people's Facebook statuses railing against "the man." I've even (shockingly) agreed with the Rolling Stone's ideas regarding a list of goals OWS might adopt (which are actually pretty good; y'all should head on over and read if you have the time or inclination).

But when people call me a law school shill, it tends to piss me off.

Particularly when the person railing against law schools fabricating employment rates and job opportunities has neglected to read the fine print.

And when he should have been on notice that the fact that he had SIX DUI's would almost certainly impact his ability to even be admitted into the practice of law (at least three of which were obtained while in good ole law school--one of which was on a moped).

But I digress.

I, personally, would love to not have any type of student loan debt. However, I have no loans from undergrad. I made a choice to attend a public university with lesser tuition. I also applied for a gazillion scholarships. And then I pursued a degree in a science-related field. When I was sick of my mom hammering me about borrowing money for "fun stuff," I got a damn job. And I waited tables and learned how to budget my money accordingly.

No, I don't think our country has it together. But I also don't see what good is served by taking over a month off of work (if you have a job; if not, taking a month off from looking for work) to rail against Wall Street, when it seems your beef is with the federal government. And the pink hair? It sure as hell ain't helping your cause.

To this day, I'm still not quite sure what the OWS movement is attempting to accomplish. I'm pretty sure they don't know either.

But I do know that when I graduate from law school, even if I'm only making 30K a year, I'll pay those loans I took out. Because that's what you do when you borrow money. They didn't GIVE IT TO ME.

It's called a loan for a reason.

The Pizza Parlor Ghost

Tucked away in between a mini-golf course and a old cemetery there is  an old parking lot in the back of Gatlinburg, Tennessee.  This parking lot is very unremarkable.   Kudzu climbs down the walls of the embankment above the lot and covers all the parking signs.  Steep hills climb up in ever direction into thick folliage.  The best view from this lot is of the mini-golf course.  As you wander the lot, you can see children cheering and swinging thier clubs.

You would never know that this old piece of pavement used to be a pizza parlor.  It was the first pizza parlor in Gatlinburg. One night, the owners came into the pizza parlor and found that the restaurant was completely trashed.   Food was scattered about the floor, chairs were overturned.  Furniture was thrown in corners.   The owners called the police and things seemed normal for a while.  But the unknown vandals began to return on a regular basis.   The staff would frequently come in to find the place completely trashed.  Finally, the owners decided to put a camera in at night to catch the vandals in the act.   The vandals were caught, but they weren't the vandals the owners expected.  Video evidence showed objects moving on their own and things fliying about at night.

The owners tried to hide the video.  They were afraid word of the haunting would destroy business so they destroyed the tape.  Word of the haunting spread quickly despite the tape's absence, however.   Everyone knew about pizza parlor ghosts.  This actually only increased business.  People came from all over to eat with the ghosts.  Sadly, the pizza parlor was a popular place to eat, but the staff was less than happy to work there.    Those that worked there said that this old pizza parlor was tormented by ghosts.   Objects moved on their own.  Pizza's flew off the counter.   Chairs fell over.   The lights went on and off.  Odd noises filled dark corners at night.   No one wanted to work with the ghosts so the staff fled and no one would replace them.   The pizza parlor had to be shut down because no one would work there.

When the parlor was sold, it was sold to a company that turned it into a parking lot.  During construction,  bones from the cemetery beside the pizza parlor were unearthed beneath  the foundation of the old parlor.   The skeletal remains of dozens of people were exumed and buried elsewhere, but the problem still remained.  The first settlers of the regions didn't use proper gravestones.  Sometimes the only thing that marked the graves were jars of stones, so it is possible and probable that bones still may remain beneath the parking lot and the adjacent mini-golf course.  Local legend says that if touists park in this parking lot their cars will have flat tires, dings, and engine problems.   Tourists that play in the mini-golf course can't make the last hole or do worse than they usually would.   I know I've played mini-golf at this course many times and I will testify that I sucked every single time.  Damn ghosts.  

It's A Funny Old Game

It's a funny game this writing lark isn't it? At Trowell Writers we held our annual prize giving day on Sunday and it was the best turnout we'd had for a few years.

Since I've been extremely busy this year with magazine submissions and various competitions I only put one entry into the short story section this time. I thought the plot was a good idea at the time but when I read it back to myself it didn't flow as well as I'd hoped. It was a story based on the Three Wise Men but you weren't supposed to work that out until the end. I had done some research and used ancient names for the characters and also for the various places they travelled through. In other words I was trying to be a smart-arse. The completed work seemed a bit laboured but with the deadline approaching I sent it in anyway not believing it would get in the top three.

You've guessed haven't you? I wouldn't be telling you this otherwise and the picture is a bit of a giveaway. It won. Not only that, I was given the award for the best overall piece across the various categories. The judges said that they liked to see someone stretching the vocabulary but cautioned me not to overdo it.

This is me doing my impression of Nobby Stiles. You have to know about 1960s footballers to get that one.

How to lose your trial competition

This year, I was lucky enough to make it into my school's "Sweet 16" for trial competition. However, I've heard (and had) my share of horror stories regarding one of the most stressful competitions in law school land, and figured I could share a few tips on how to lose with FLAIR!

1) Fail to prepare your witnesses--in TC, you are expected to find witnesses (aka: people dumb enough to volunteer for you at least two nights while reciting facts they have to memorize about their "character"). Oftentimes, this means finding someone NOT in law school (read: someone who HAS to volunteer for you, generally a significant other, family member, or someone starving to death) who actually has the time and brain cells to do just that. Unfortunately, this means they have no idea what hearsay is. Or the proper protocol of courtroom proceedings. Or anything else associated with WINNING. Take, for example, my epic crash and burn last year:

We were "trying" a malicious prosecution case--policeman hubby sent investigators over to his ex-wife's house because she supposedly had weed in it, out of concern for his daughter. We were repping the hubby, played by my awesome boyfriend (Leonidas was one of the unfortunate HAD-TO'S). He's on the stand, being cross-examined by a couple of 3Ls asking him about his relationship with his daughter when he tells them he.is.NOT.the.child's.father. We all froze. Time stood still. The 3L wheeled around to face me. I'm making the "what the fuck is he saying" face to my TC partner. I lock eyes with the 3L. He makes a threatening face. I shrug, as if to say "how the fuck is this helping my case???" The trial resumes. We, obviously, lose. Lesson learned. Don't just prep your witness. Tell them what to say AND what not to say.

2) Using the excuse "They were unavailable for trial"--this usually crops up in relation to trying to get questionable evidence or testimony in front of the jury. Nice try, but no dice. They may be unavailable for testimony, but it's because of the setup of this particular problem. Do not use the lack of witnesses to try to screw over the other side. And don't tell a trial judge that you cannot produce a witness for testimony, because you'll almost certainly violate TC rules and may get called on it, making you look like a buffoon.

3) Wear hooker shoes--don't scoff! There is a girl in my class who is renowned for her hooker shoes. Yes, she may inspire fear in my fierce little litigating heart, but it ain't because of her trial techniques--it's because I'm imagining where those shoes have been, and what pain they have inflicted in the bedroom. Trust me, the judges will be thinking that too. And seriously, who takes a woman in hooker shoes seriously? (P.S. This applies to boots above the knees too.)

For references of what her hooker shoes look like, here is an example, only I'm pretty sure hers are shinier, more strappy, and even more inappropriate for any type of court setting:

4) Using lines from movies--let's not kid: My Cousin Vinny; Liar, Liar; and Legally Blonde are cinematographic masterpieces. But their lines are appropriate when you're bullshitting with friends, not when you're presenting your case for the chance of winning a trial. Some examples include:

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, everything that guy just told you was bullshit. Thank you.
OR
I object! (On what grounds?) That it's DEVASTATING TO MY CASE.
OR
And your boyfriend's name is?


5) Piss off the judges--this may seem to be a pretty simple one, but trust me, this happens far more frequently than you would believe. Questioning their credentials, complaining about them to competition organizers, or straight-up telling them they are wrong? BAD IDEA. And you will lose. If you complain about them later, you may have won....but you will still end up losing. It's the God's honest truth.

I've got plenty of other stories, which I may or may not trot out later. But first, has this ever happened to you? What tips do you have for losing with flair?

GIH Lawyer (with links)

Lots of links in this one. Makes it look a bit more legit. Still a scam.

From: GIH Electrical Holdings

Subject: LEGAL SERVICE

Date: October 9, 2011

To: undisclosed-recipients:;

REQUEST FOR LEGAL REPRESENTATION
.

This is an official request for legal representation on behalf of GIH Electrical-Holdings Berhad. Founded in 1980, our company's principal activity is to sell and develop electronics components and other peripheral equipment. The Electronic parts division deals in semiconductors and EMS for personal computers, general electronic parts and Cables. The Information equipment division sells personal computers and computer peripheral equipment.

Products Provided:

 • Optical & photographic instruments & apparatus
 • Electrical machinery, apparatus & parts
 • Mechanical machinery, apparatus & parts
 • Office machines & computer equipment & parts
 • Heating & cooling equipment & parts
 • Electronic devices, parts & accessories
 • Telecommunications, audio & video equipment and parts

  
We the directors of GIH Electrical Holdings Berhad would like to employ your service regarding a possible representation in matters concerning GIH Electrical Holdings Berhad and our client in your state. Our legal representative won’t be able to represent us on this case because it is outside their area of jurisdiction. Since our client is in your state, we believe that this case is within your jurisdiction which is why we are requesting your legal services on this matter. We are presently incapacitated due to legal boundaries to exert pressure on our delinquent customers and we request for your services accordingly. We got your contact information from the Online Lawyers Directory as a result of our search for a reliable firm or individual to provide legal services as requested.

 After a careful review of your profile as well as your qualification and experience, we are of the opinion that you are capable and qualified to provide the legal services as requested. On behalf of GIH Electrical-Holdings Berhad, Please accept my sincerest appreciation in advance for your willingness to render your services, as we look forward to your prompt response to our request.



  Best Regards,


 David Yap Chung.
 Executive Chairman
 GIH Electrical Holdings Bhd
 Lot 12A, Persiaran Meranti
 Damasara,43000 Kajang
 Selangor Malaysia.

Reviewing The Ghost Walk of Gatlinburg

I have developed a strong love of Ghost Walks.   There is no better way to spend a crisp autumn night than wandering through the secret histories of old cities and learning about their secrets and ghosts.   This weekend I went to one of my favorite vacation spots.   I rented a cabin high in the mountains surrounded by the orange and red trees and the warm smell of campfire.  We made s'mores and walked in the woods and on Friday night we went on the Ghost Walk of Gatlinburg. 

I have been on many ghost walks and ghost tours.  Some have been  a disappointment.  Some tour guides have made me mad by spouting strange theories like they were facts set in stone by scientists.  Some I have loved and wanted to do twice.  The Ghost Walk of Gatlinburg was one of the ghost walks I loved.  It was a fabulous tour filled with the type of stories that keep you listening.   The tour started out poorly.   Apparently, their office is staffed by idiots.   They didn't have our reservation at all and they lost the other people we were travelling with's credit card information so they had to give it out over a cell phone, which made them very uncomfortable.  We expected the worst after this, but our tour guide, Ron, was fabulous.   As soon as he started talking, we knew we were going to have a good time.  Not only did he know the history of Gatlinburg very well, but he told his stories with verve and a unique sense of humor that made me laugh out loud on several occasions.  This tour also handed out EMF detectors so everyone on the tour could ghost hunt as they listened to the guide tell his haunting tales of blood and horror.

The tour started at the old White Oaks Flat Cemetery.  This cemetery is tucked behind a little shopping center filled with pancakes and souvenirs.   I never would have even suspected it was up there, pressed against mini-golf courses and and arcades, if it weren't for this ghost walk.  We went on this ghost walk with several young children and Ron really spent a lot of time making sure the walk was fun for them.  He joked with them and made them laugh so hard they say it was their favorite part of their Gatlinburg vacation.   Ron told many ghost stories I had never heard before and also loaded the quiet parts of the tour with fun facts and folklore.  

One of my favorite folklore stories Ron told was the story of a mountain witch.  This witch was captured by locals and killed.  She was buried face down, so that if she did try to escape her coffin after death she would dig down, towards hell rather than up towards humanity.   She was also buried beneath a crossroads so her power would be diminished and to make sure she was tormented even after death she was buried beneath a crosswalk so all the people walking over her grave would constantly torture her.

Over the next few days,  I will placing some of the stories Ron told with photographs on the blog.   I will of course, leave some out so that I don't ruin the fun and excitement for those who might go on this Ghost Walk in the future.  This is something I would highly recommend, because this really was one of the best ghost walks I have ever been on.

Mixed Fortunes

It's been a mixed couple of weeks.

Received a rejection of four stories from Yours magazine. Another rejection from an agent. Didn't get in to the top places of the Red Cross short story competition for Day of the Disappeared.

As I'd hoped, the winning entries for the Didsbury Arts Festival short story competition have appeared on the website. You can read them here

Still have a few competition results coming up so there's plenty to look forward to. A couple of workshops as well to keep me busy.

One small piece of good news. Came second in Nottingham Writers' Club summer short story competition.

PS
My blogger has been acting up again. Sometimes my headings (Create Blog, Sign In – that sort of thing) are appearing in French. I don't know if this is connected but some of my comments haven't been appearing on your posts either. I can only apologise. Je m'excuse.

What Kind of Haunting Do You Have?

I have written about this before, but I thought this topic was worth a revisit.  For me,  this question has come up again and again, which probably means its worth discussing more than once.  The more I write about ghosts, the more I realize how important it is to define what kind of ghosts or spiritual disturbance might be lingering in each haunted place. I began researching this topic thinking there would be an easy breakdown to types of hauntings. This was not the case. Every different website I have visited and book I've picked up has broken down ghosts and hauntings differently. There are some that classify ghosts according to geography and break them down into hospital hauntings, battlefield hauntings, house hauntings etc. There are others who classify ghosts by form. They break ghosts up into orbs, ectoplasm, dark ghosts, conical ghosts, etc. The Weiser Field Guide to Ghosts breaks ghosts up into 26 categories that include possessive ghosts, religious ghosts, materializations, and spirits. The spiritual research foundation is very scientific in their break down of ghosts and uses the chart below to categorize ghosts.

I have broken types of hauntings down more simply based on what I've found in other sources, what I've seen, and what others have told me. I've also made my breakdown a little more simple.

1. Classic Haunting: A classic haunting is the most commonly described haunting. This is the lingering ghost that seems to cling to a location. This type of ghost can also be attached to an object. It is the attachment of the deceased that lingers and keeps them bound to this realm of existence. It is the ghost in the haunted house that is usually harmless, but sometimes a little creepy.

2. Angry Ghost Haunting: Many believe that when someone dies in a situation that results in intense anger, fear, or hurt that emotion binds the ghost to the realm of the living. This angry ghost often permeates an entire location with a negative feeling. People often describe places with this type of ghost as having a bad feeling or feeling wrong.

3. Denial Ghost Haunting: This is a haunting that is caused by a ghost that doesn't want to admit they are dead. They go through the motions of life and refuse to let go.

4. Poltergeist: This haunting is associated with moving objects and things vanishing. Although this type of haunting seems like a ghost at first, it is usually caused by a person who is going through incredible angst. This person may have psychic powers that they are unaware of and can cause mayhem without knowing they are doing it.

5. Demons: These are malevolent spirits that attack the living. They are not ghosts and were never human and seem to be out to hurt people. The classic Haunting on Larabee Street may have fallen into this class as the house was new and couldn't have been the residence of the deceased.

This is my very reductionistic classification system and I know that there may be other systems, but for a quick way to get a sense of what you are dealing with, I think this may be helpful.

Decorating for Halloween

It is finally October and it is the season of dark clouds and ghouls.  Halloween or Samhain is in the air.  The ancients believed that the veil between worlds thinned at this time of year.  They believed that this thinning allowed for ghosts and dark spirits to cross over to our world.   Bon fires were lit to drive such spirits away and many of our traditions come from techniques people used to drive bad spirits away.  All of this is usually forgotten now, however. Halloween has evolved into the most exciting time of year for all of us out there that like the dark side of things and I've begun to decorate.  Here are a few pictures of the first of my Halloween decorations to go up this year.   There will be more, but this is a fun beginning!  Happy preparations and I hope everyone out there is having as much fun as I am getting ready for Halloween.   I will be traveling this week and will be posting many ghostly tales to get everyone ready for this most ghostly time of year.

The White Devil: A Ghost Story

The White Devil by Justin Evans opens with a splash.   It immediately pulls the reader into a dark and Gothic world that is riddled with ghosts and mystery.   The White Devil's protagonist is a young man,  Andrew Taylor, who has been expelled from many American boarding schools.   His family comes from old money that has been lost and Andrew has squandered his family's hopes with fast living and bad behavior.   He is sent across the ocean to an ancient, British, boarding school to redeem himself and if he doesn't redeem himself his father has made it quite clear he will be disowned.  Andrew is a lost soul and a complex character and as soon as he sets foot in the old English boarding school, the ghosts of Harrow School rise up to great him.

Andrew immediately witnesses a murder and then he falls in with the only girl on the campus.  Trouble follows Andrew like a shadow and he quickly becomes entangled in a ghostly mystery.  He is tormented by visions of the ghost of Harrow School and he can't escape the mystery surrounding the ghost that haunts him.  Andrew is the spitting image of Byron and his dark story and Byron's mirror each other as the ghost story around Andrew slowly unfolds.

As a ghost story, The White Devil is beautifully written and very well done.  It isn't a horror story and it certainly won't keep you up at night, but the mysterious ghosts of Harrow School will keep you turning the pages, wondering what is next.  This is wonderful novel for any connoisseur  of good ghost stories and dark Gothic mysteries that keep you wondering what is lurking around the next corner.